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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (24594)	8/28/2002 9:03:42 AM
From: Honor First	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62592

"He was partially decapitated", he nodded, clearly at a loss for words.

To: sandintoes who wrote (24594)	8/30/2002 6:32:41 PM
From: Tomato	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62592

Two men walking along see a pair of dogs in a front yard mating. The first man asks the second if he has ever tried it that way with his wife, the second man replied that his wife would never consent to it. "Try giving her a few glasses of wine to loosen up her inhibitions" the first man suggested. "I will try that. "the second man said. Several days later the friends were again talking and the first man asked his friend how things had worked out with his suggestion. The second man replied that it had been really difficult to get his wife to do it that way." "Did you try some wine ?" the first man asked. The second man replied, "Yes, it took a whole bottle of wine just to get her out on the front lawn." ************** Three explorers are captured by a warrior tribe in the deeps of the Amazon rain forest when they unwittingly wander into the tribe's sacred grounds. The chief addresses the first man: "You may choose your punishment; death or 'Ooga-booga'.", to which the man replies, "Ooga-booga". The men of the tribe tie him to a tree and relentlessly sodomize him before setting him free. The chief addresses the second man the same way, and the man says "Well, at least you let the first man go. I choose 'Ooga-booga'." He is sodomized like the first man before being set free. When the chief asks the third man for his choice, he replies "I can't handle that, even for my life. I choose death." To which the chief proclaims, "Then you shall die! But first, a little ooga-booga. *** Woman goes to the Safeway and is in the checkout line with dog food. The checker asks, "Ma'am, what kind of dog to you have?" "I don't have a dog. My husband all of a sudden got an urge to eat dog food." "Ma'am, I don' have time to talk to you, since this is the express line, but don't let your husband eat that - it could kill him." "Oh, don't be silly. I hear poor people eat it all the time." A week later the lady comes back to Safeway and gets the same checker. "I remember you," says the checker, "You're the one whose husband eats dog food." "WAHHHHH!!" the woman cries. "My husband is dead." "Oh, no, I knew it! How exactly did he die?" "He was just minding his own business, out in the middle of the street, licking his balls, when a car ran over him." This guy after making love to a girl say's " I don't know what's wrong with me, I have this constant desire to make love to younger and younger girls" She says "Sounds like you are a pedophile " He says "WOOO, now that's a pretty big word for a 8 year old" ******** How do you know that your girlfriend is frigid? When she spreads her legs, a light goes on. *** One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"