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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: calgal who wrote (25970)	12/26/2002 10:17:12 AM
From: Doug Coughlan	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. ---------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ---------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ---------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." ---------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ---------------------------------------- Why do men flatulate more often than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the necessary pressure. ---------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ---------------------------------------- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. -------------------------------------- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ---------------------------------------- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. --------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------- Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and Suffering. ---------------------------------------- Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" ---------------------------------------- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman, and since then neither God nor Man has rested. ------------------------------------------ Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ---------------------------------------- A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." ---------------------------------------- Young Son: "Is it true, Dad. I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most other countries, too, son." ---------------------------------------- A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." ---------------------------------------- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ---------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

To: calgal who wrote (25970)	2/10/2003 7:30:48 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

'Dell Dude' Arrested on Drug Charge NEW YORK - Dude, yer gettin' busted! story.news.yahoo.com The actor who gained fame and a cult following as the slacker "Steven" in commercials for Dell computers was arrested buying (news - external web site) a small bag of marijuana, police said. Benjamin Curtis, a 22-year-old New York University drama student, was arraigned Monday on a misdemeanor drug possession charge. The charge assumes a suspect is not carrying more than a "use amount" — enough to roll several marijuana cigarettes. Police said he was arrested Sunday night on the Lower East Side after officers on a drug detail spotted him buying a small bag of marijuana from Omar Mendez, 19. Mendez faces drug sale and possession charges. Curtis' portrayal of a surfer type who proclaims, "Dude, yer gettin' a Dell!" drove up computer sales and spawned T-shirts, caps, and backpacks, along with Web sites and online fan clubs. At the arraignment, Criminal Court Judge Ellen Coin advised Curtis that his case will be dismissed, and his record expunged, if he avoids arrest during the next year. Asked if he understood, Curtis said, "Yes, ma'am." Outside court, Curtis' lawyer, James Moschella, said: "We are confident that at the appropriate time, the charges will be dismissed."