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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SofaSpud who wrote (26392)	1/29/2003 1:59:55 PM
From: Doug Coughlan	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug) , which came in a little white box. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me? A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my fucking shoes."

To: SofaSpud who wrote (26392)	1/29/2003 9:05:43 PM
From: Tony McFadden	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

A farmer in Nova Scotia had been working on a new fertilizer for his straw berries. The latest formula was extremely successful, creating berries that were the size of pumpkins. One berry, however, was massive, easily the size of the new Volkswagon Beetle. Neighboring farmers, and their families, came by to see it and praise him for his talent in the berry growing business Instead of harvesting this berry he decided to construct a shelter around it and charge admission to the people that wanted to come and see it. Business was booming. Lines ran down the road for over a mile, and he was raking in the money. After a few months of dawn to dusk, seven day a week exhibition he had a amassed somewhere in the neighborhood of half a million dollars, tax-free, from the berry viewings alone. Fertilizer sales easily doubled that. Revenue Canada had noticed this, and were eager to get their share. Numerous letters were sent demanding their cut, by way of taxes, all ignored by the farmer. On a day off, sleeping in a cot by the berry in it's shelter, the farmer was awoken by hammering on the door. 'Go away, come back tomorrow. The berry is not for viewing today.' There was more knocking, followed by an insistent 'Open Up!' 'Please, I'm tired. Come back tomorrow and praise this berry all you want. I need to rest.' The man outside respond, 'Sorry sir, you misunderstand. I'm from revenue Canada. You haven't paid your taxes... I came not to Praise your Berry, but to Seize it!'