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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Geof Hollingsworth who wrote (26807)	2/22/2003 7:43:19 AM
From: Richnorth	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

(1) 4 miracles of a woman: getting wet without taking a shower bleeding without getting hurt giving milk without eating grass and making boneless flesh hard. 2) A man bumps into a woman and says "So sorry ma'am. If your heart is as soft as your breasts, you will forgive me " The lady replies: "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I am in room 603" (3) Q: How do the Talibans seduce their women? A: First they attack their twin towers, then they crash into their pentagon. (4) Girls reaction to penis sizes: # 9'' - oh shit pain! # 7'' - oh yes, yum! # 6'' - oh perfect! # 5'' - mmm ok! # 4'' - push more # 3'' - is it in? # 2'' - idiot! Just use your tongue. (5) Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes? A - Airport (flat) B - Barely there C - Can do D - Damn good E - Enormous F - Fake 6) During pregnancy: The 1st three months, do it the normal style Next three months do it the doggy style And the last three months do it the wolf style. sit outside the hole and howl. 7) What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a nude woman? "Fuck you and your law of gravity, I'm going UP." 8) Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?' He said: "my wife makes me pay $ 100/- for every Fuck!" Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $ 250/-" 9) Lady scolds her maid for inefficiency. Angry maid says, "at least I am better than you in bed." Lady (amazed): "Did boss tell you this?" Maid: "No, the driver did." (10) What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog? " After a year, the dog is still excited to see you." (11) A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is 300% impotent. The doc asks "how 300%?" She says: "you know about the 100%, and now he has broken his finger and burnt his tongue." 12) Teacher: "why buffaloes get depressed after milking? Student: "Ma'am, if your boobs are rubbed for 2 hours & then you are left unfucked how would feel? (13) Policeman arrested a prostitute. Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex! Policeman: "Then what are you doing?" Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free demo.

To: Geof Hollingsworth who wrote (26807)	2/22/2003 10:46:59 AM
From: Tom Johnson	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

"Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits. The unintended joke is that I can imagine OFL saying exactly this, blissfully unaware that there are only 20+million Iraqis in the whole country. Math was never his strong suit, nor artihmetic, for that matter." So...... how did he graduate from Yale and get an MBA from Harvard? OJ You know you're living in 2003 when... 01.You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 02.You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 03.You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 04.You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you. 05.Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses. 06.When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 07.When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line. 08.You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. 10.Your CV is on a disk in your pocket. 11.You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news. 12.Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes. 13.Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job. 14.Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long service awards. 15.Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined. 16.Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary. 17.Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet. 18.Your boss gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all of the latest features, but you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up. 19.Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital. 20.There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy. 21.Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers". AND THE CLINCHERS ARE... 22.You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling. 23.As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends". 24.You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net. 25.AND YOU WERE TOO BUSY TO NOTICE THAT THERE WAS NO NUMBER 09 George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He said nothing. Later that evening, George, quietly parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house............... AND he left it there all night