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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Raymond Duray who wrote (28057)	5/31/2003 9:45:24 AM
From: David Lawrence	Respond to of 62547

Subject: Marathon Runner A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!" I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets "It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems." So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon. So he started running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could. It wasn't that effective! After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running." Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" "Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "................... Only when it's raining."

To: Raymond Duray who wrote (28057)	5/31/2003 9:50:34 AM
From: David Lawrence	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a Democrat. Get me a change of registration form." "You can do it", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a Democrat?" "That's my business! Get me the form!" Four days later, the old man got his registration changed. His lawyer was at his bedside making sure his bill would be paid. Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to become a Democrat so badly before you died?" In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said: "One less Democrat".

To: Raymond Duray who wrote (28057)	5/31/2003 10:13:59 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 62547

That actually belongs on some other thread that deals with people who don't know what they are doing. T'weren't funny at all. OJ This is a list of the ways that professors in different departments grade their final exams: Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind. Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year. Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God. Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade? English Dept.: Your final exam will be scored by totalling the weight of all the books you read this semester: 40+ pounds - A 30 pounds - B 20 pounds - C 10 pounds - D <10 pounds - F Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A. Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable. Dept. Of Physics: Grades are relative. but... All theoretical physics is really mathematics. See Above. Dept. Of Chemistry: All theoretical chemistry is really physics. See Above. Dept. Of Biology: All theoretical biology is really chemistry. See Above. Dept. Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A. Dept. Of Marxist Studies: The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles. Therefore, everyone will now get the same grade! Dept. Of Economics: All of your grades, as a collection, will reach the level where your marginal product (MP) of labour for each individual grade is equal. Dept. Of Operations & Logistics Management: Grades will be posted at 12:00 Noon. NOT 11:59 -- NOT 12:01 Dept. Of Computer Science: Random number generator determines grade, but... YOUR grade is an object in a class of its own. Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).