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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: haqihana who wrote (29046)	8/12/2003 1:01:09 PM
From: The Rabbit	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

I'm nice to them that are, at least, civil toward me, but if attacked, will counter-attack with fervor.. That's funny, HackHyena. You must be one 'o them revisionist historians. You came out with guns a'blazin because you didn't appreciate the politics of someone's humor. I, among others, told you to lighten up and not try to dictate the type of humor here, and you refuse to relent, and respond with the launching personal attacks. You have only been civil to those who agree with your world view. Of course, if you think telling you to "just hit the next button" is an attack worthy of counter with fervor, then I repeat: your victim complex needs some anger management. BTW, I have NEVER TOU'ed you to SI Bob or anyone else. Such false accusations are typical of your clarity of thought though. I do know who has, but you are barking up the wrong tree. Perhaps your wife is a non-keeper because she tries to get you to behave yourself? OJ =============== from topfive.com: this is part 2 The Top 15 Movie Quotes Translated to Haiku (Part II) 15> (from "The Terminator") In broken English I can still be understood. I'll see you again. 14> (from "Forrest Gump") Box of chocolates? I think life's like one. But then, My IQ is 10. 13> (from "Midnight Cowboy") Ignorant driver! Can't you see me traversing Here in the crosswalk?!? 12> (from "They Live") To chew bubble gum And kick ass is why I've come, But I have no gum. 11> (from "Fried Green Tomatoes") You are young and fast, Yet I'm old with insurance. Let me smash your car. 10> (from "The Godfather II") I know it was you. Fredo, you've broken my heart. Kill you later, bro. 9> (from "The Hulk") Anger me not, friend. My appeal declines sharply Once I am enraged. 8> (from Valentino's "The Sheik") 7> (from "Silence of the Lambs") Chianti I chose. It goes quite well with people, The other white meat. 6> (from "Jerry Maguire") Please be so kind as To display for my review The legal tender. 5> (from "The Empire Strikes Back") Paternity test Results came back positive. Luke, I'm your old man. 4> (from "Scarface") Little cockroaches! Say your last greetings to my Diminutive pal! 3> (from "The Wizard of Oz") Toto, dear, I sense Hostile Sooners. Our Jayhawks Are not the home team. 2> (from "Casablanca") Of all the gin joints In the world, you come to mine. Damn you, you skank ho! and Topfive.com's Number 1 Movie Quote Translated to Haiku... 1> (from "American Pie") Oh, fond memory! One time at band camp I was Impaled by a flute!

To: haqihana who wrote (29046)	8/12/2003 1:53:33 PM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62567

Subject: A Sho Nuff Southerner 1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, -- you "PITCH" them. 2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess." 3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." 4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly." Pronounced "dreckly" 5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table. 6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. 7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!) 8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. 9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. 10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. 11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. 12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless. 13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and while we're "waitin' in line," we talk to everybody! 14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. 15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all." 16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. 17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. 18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! 19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. 20.) A true Southerner knows that if you are with a couple of friends, you could be with 2 or 10. The number doesn't matter. 21.) A true Southerner insists on opening doors for his lady and holds her chair when she sits in public. 22.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

To: haqihana who wrote (29046)	8/12/2003 6:35:05 PM
From: The Philosopher	Respond to of 62567

my work here is done Promises, promises. There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if that didn't happen, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should be the one to let go. Finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would rather sacrifice herself and let go to try to save all of them than to risk all of their lives, all of the blondes started clapping. Problem solved.