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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ish who wrote (29256)	9/5/2003 10:27:54 PM
From: Tadsamillionaire	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62562

Rumsfeld Proposes French Lead U.N. Force (2003-09-05) -- U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today proposed that France lead a United Nations force to stabilize Iraq and prepare the nation for so called "self rule." "This was our plan all along," said Mr. Rumsfeld. "The French and Germans have been pretending to oppose us in Iraq. I can show you documents where Jacques Chirac and Gerhard Schroeder agreed to behave like sniveling self-interested ninnies before the war. Then, once we had achieved victory,they would act like arrogant rat snakes, until the U.S. pretended to care about world opinion. Then we'd all join hands, sing Kumbaya and send in the blue helmets under the baton of Kofi Annan." Mr. Rumsfeld said the plan was designed to "eject Saddam Hussein and install a puppet democracy welfare state then hand out oil franchises like AOL CDs to Security Council members." The Defense Secretary described the plan as "an unmitigated success." =================================== Flat Broke: U.S. to Close Iraq, Auction Assets (2003-09-03) -- Since the $500 billion cost of rebuilding Iraq is too high, the Bush administration plans to close it and sell off its assets by the end of the year. "It's strictly a business decision," said an unnamed State department spokesman. "Iraq was an underperforming asset which became a cash-sucking liability. I'm sorry for the 22 million Iraqis, but I'm sure their Muslim neighbors will take them in and help them get back on their feet." The administration plans to auction the land and other assets on eBay in early 2004. ==================================== Indian Tribes Buy California from Bustamante (2003-08-27) -- American Indians have arranged to buy California by making payments to Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante's gubernatorial campaign. The leading Democrat in the recall race recently received $300,000 from the Sycuan Band of the Kumeyaay Nation, a San Diego-area Indian tribe. According to an expert at Whittier Law School, Mr. Bustamante could easily reach his $12 million fundraising goal through contributions from Indian tribes alone. "White man brought whiskey to our ancestors and bought our land for pennies an acre," said an unnamed tribal spokesman. "We brought slot machines and wine spritzers to the white man's grandma. We will use her money to buy California by purchasing the election of Mr. Bustamante." The tribal spokesman said Mr. Bustamante has promised them he would return California to its natural condition as a place where hordes of noble savages move from place to place, betting on dice games.