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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: mph who wrote (207)	7/29/2004 1:46:50 PM
From: The Rabbit	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1755

Engineer jokes? =========== A Mechanical Engineer, an Electrical Engineer and a Civil Engineer are getting spiritual, and are talking about God. M: God must be a Mechanical Engineer; look at the joints and muscles, the complexity of the structural design. E: Naw, God's an Electrical Engineer, look at the electrical setup; the brain center, the neural system, all that. C: You kidding? God's a Civil Engineer. Who else would run a waste pipeline through a recreational area?

To: mph who wrote (207)	7/29/2004 9:00:43 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Respond to of 1755

Hey, mph, some of us aim to please. <g> Here's more. - Holly ----- Programming Revisited Windows 95 is a 32 bit extension for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition. Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds. If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer. The determined programmer can write a COBOL program in any language. Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug. Al-gor-ithm" means "The unscrupulous technique of continuing to count and re-count until you get the result you want." (Sent by Gary Gilmore) Don't get sucked in by comments--only debug code. If cars had followed the same developmental path as computers, a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and crash once a year. If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization. Demo-oriented programming: A programming style, typically used by startups, focusing on the demo of the program being developed, so it will easily catch the prospective investor.

To: mph who wrote (207)	7/29/2004 9:17:08 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 1755

HOLLY IS PICKING ON ME! A lawyer is a man who helps you get what is coming to him. Laurence J. Peter What's the use of that, Wendell, a lawyer can't be a great man! Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., on his son's plans to attend law school They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers. Lee Iacocca, on the lack of litigation among Japanese businesses The ideal client is the very wealthy man in very great trouble. John Sterling The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. William Shakespeare (1564-1616) Henry VI, Part 2 There is never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers. Melvin Belli When there is a rift in the lute, the business of the lawyer is to widen the rift and gather the loot. Arthur Garfield Hays The trial lawyer does what Socrates was executed for: making the worse argument appear the stronger. Judge Irving Kaufman Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court. David Porter I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. Will Rogers (1879-1935) They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs aint got any right to his property. Mark Twain (1835-1910) A man who never graduated from school might steal from a freight car. But a man who attends college and graduates as a lawyer might steal the whole railroad. Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919) attempting to persuade his son to become a lawyer