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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (226)	7/29/2004 9:36:04 PM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Respond to of 1755

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. "We'll document it in the manual." None. It's a hardware problem. 1.000000001. Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project. Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards. Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,... Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late. Only one, but she's not available till the year 2000. "The change is 90% complete." "It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working." Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb. How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They try to fix the old one. "We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?" How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb? None. "We just recognized darkness, fixing it is someone else's problem." How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? "You're still thinking procedurally! A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class!" How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket. How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? Seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ... How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb? Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time. How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb? Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank". How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

To: Lazarus_Long who wrote (226)	7/30/2004 12:28:55 AM
From: Lady Lurksalot	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 1755

Okay, Laz, I'm gonna give you a break here and lay off the engineer jokes. (But probably not for very long. <vbg>) - Holly ----- A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, "What happened to your ears?" He says, "Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron." The boss says, "Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?" He says, "Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!" A fellow walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. A few minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room. Ten minutes later a nurse came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. Fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." The doctor said, "Where?" He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?" A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."