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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: J.B.C. who wrote (35793)	5/12/2006 9:12:00 AM
From: Arthur Radley	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62543

J.B.C....now that is some hilarious stuff!! Thanks for sharing and getting my day off to such a fantastic start. But if you really want to seen a reduction in something, why don't we start with your waist size....go to any food market in the United States...and don't you dare buy any food that wasn't planted, harvested or processed by an "immigrate". If you truly use this method, I think it can be assured that you will drop a few pounds. By the way, do you really think that all the houses that are being constructed in the US...that people like you had rather live in tents as opposed to something that "immigrates" built? And talk about the ultimate "reduction"...I vaguely remember some immigrates coming to this country and performing a real "reduction" operation on "some" people...and for those they didn't slaughter they put them up in the Marriott and Hilton Reservations. Marriott...Hilton..Reservations...Get it? That is my joke!

To: J.B.C. who wrote (35793)	5/12/2006 9:40:53 AM
From: Peter Dierks	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62543

NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND---The Football Version 1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their footballs and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship. 2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL! 3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like football. 4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th game. It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind. If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non- athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.