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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: S K who wrote (3883)	11/13/1997 2:29:00 PM
From: halfscot	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62558

"We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true." Professor Robert Silensky, University of California.

To: S K who wrote (3883)	11/14/1997 4:05:00 PM
From: S K	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

Dear Diary > Aug. 1 Moved to our new home in Massachusetts. It is so beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE > Oct. 14 New England is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors.I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE IT HERE. > Nov. 11 Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE. Dec. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today. (I won). When the snow-plow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE. > >Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE. > Dec. 19 Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling. Fucking Snowplow! > Dec. 22 More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling. That Asshole! > Dec. 25 "White Christmas" my busted ass. More fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on this fucking ice. Dec. 28 More of the same shit last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is? > Jan. 1 Happy Fucking New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got 34 fucking inches of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and shit for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the shit he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his fucking head. > Jan. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the fucker. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November. > >May 3 Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the fucking salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of shit. > May 10 Moved to Florida today. I can't imagine why anyone in their right fucking mind would want to live in the God forsaken State of Massachusetts.