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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Joseph Francis Torti who wrote (3893)	11/17/1997 4:25:00 PM
From: S K	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62558

How many times has someone said to you, "YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SCHITT?" This phrase is commonly used by Americans in a heated argument to let someone know they know nothing. Now here's the whole story.... Jack Schitt is the only son of O. Schitt & Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran the Knee-Deep Inn-Schitt. Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt, and together they produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first child, passed on shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, and then two daughters, Fulla Schitt, and Giva Schitt. Their final child, another son, was named Bull Schitt. In the meantime, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they had a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are, Dawg Schitt, Bird Schitt and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt, and they are expecting the arrival of Baby Schitt. So, now you know Jack Schitt and his family, in case someone in the future should tell you, YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SCHITT." You can inform them that in fact you do know Jack Schitt, and his entire family!!!!!

To: Joseph Francis Torti who wrote (3893)	11/20/1997 5:56:00 PM
From: S K	Respond to of 62558

A missionary, who has spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient, gets word that he is to return home. He thinks that the one thing he never did was to teach these natives how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and tells the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "tree." The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock," at which the chief looks and grunts, "rock." The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top he sees a couple in the midst of hot and heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "This is riding a bike." The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people? The chief replies, "That my bike."