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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mad2 who wrote (45446)	10/14/2011 12:26:18 PM
From: Oblivious	1 Recommendation Respond to of 62586

*Notes for Golfers :* * Golf balls are like eggs ~ they're white. They're sold by the dozen .... and a week later you have to buy more. * A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there. * It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps. * When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard or go to church? * Golf is by far the ultimate love / hate relationship. Sometimes it seems as though your cup runneth and moveth over. * It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery. * A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game. * Water hazards are no walk in the park for fish, turtles, frogs or alligators either. * Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot. * A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you. * That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work. * If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life. * If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight. * You probably wouldn't look good in a Green Jacket anyway! A sweatshirt will do just fine! * Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our frequent inability to count past the number 5. * It's a simple matter to keep your ball in the fairway if you're not choosy about which fairway. * If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone would play better. * The greatest sound in golf is the Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh, of your opponent's club as he hurls it across the fairway. * A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there's ever a medical emergency, a doctor is always nearby

To: Mad2 who wrote (45446)	10/14/2011 12:36:21 PM
From: High Grader	1 Recommendation Respond to of 62586

You borrow a whole bunch of money to bail out the guys who backed up the sewer into your home in the first place and they all give each other enormous bonuses.

To: Mad2 who wrote (45446)	10/15/2011 11:11:22 PM
From: Oblivious	3 Recommendations Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62586

COMPUTERS GENDER This is very cute..will make you smile for sure! Or, maybe not. ? A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa. ''Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?' Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. (THIS GETS BETTER!) The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. The women won.

To: Mad2 who wrote (45446)	10/15/2011 11:32:01 PM
From: Oblivious	6 Recommendations Respond to of 62586

A C-130 was lumbering along when an F-16 flashed by. *The jet jockey decided to show off.* *The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!'* *and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb..* *He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.* *The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?* *The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'* *The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said:* *'What did you think of that?'* *Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'* The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, took a leak, *then got a cup of coffee and a* *cinnamon roll.'* *When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing!* *When you get older & smarter -* *comfort & dull* *is not such a bad thing!* *Us older folks understand this.* *It's called… "S.O.S"* *Slower,* *Older* & *Smarter*