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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Marc Fortier who wrote (3992)	11/27/1997 11:18:00 AM
From: george wood	Respond to of 62558

One day Moses, Jesus, and an old man were playing golf. They were having a good time. So they came to the 16th hole--which is especially tricky. It was a par 4 and the green was surrounded by water. The first to Tee off was Moses. He stepped up to the tee and took his shot. It was heading straight for the green when it fell straight into the water hazard right in front of the green. Moses was a wise man so he raised his hands and parted the water so he could get to his ball. He took his shot and sunk it in 3 shots. He marked his score and waited for the others. Well, this time it was Jesus' turn. He took his shot and sure enough his shot went straight into the water. When he got to the water, he walked over the water, picked up his ball and tossed it on the green. He took as shot and marked it as three. Finally the old man had his turn. He hobbled his way to the tee. He grabbed his driver, took his stance and swung. This shot didn't look any better than the others it was headed straight for the water. But, just as it was about to hit the water a fish jumped out of the water and grabbed the ball. Before that fish could land back in the water an eagle swooped down and picked up the fish. Well, before that eagle could fly off it was struck by lightning, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball and it plopped into the hole. After this Jesus looked at the old man and said "Dad, if you don't stop doing that we are not going to play with you anymore."

To: Marc Fortier who wrote (3992)	11/27/1997 11:29:00 AM
From: Michael C. Woodward	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62558

Very good. I heard that one about 35 years ago. Except the punch line was "This is the least I could do, Charlene and I were married for 35 years." Four old guys were playing early golf (barely daybreak) down in San Jose. As Fred stepped up to the first tee, he said "my eyes aren't very good, does anyone still have good eyesight"? One of the members, Charley, said that he did. Fred said, "stand behind me and watch my shot". So Fred hit his tee shot. He turned to Charley and said "Did you see where it went?" Charley said "Yes". Fred said, "Where did it go"? Charley said "I CAN'T REMEMBER".

To: Marc Fortier who wrote (3992)	11/28/1997 1:28:00 AM
From: Joey	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

More golf jokes - sorry if its been posted already. There is a foursome playing a round of golf - three men and a woman. There is a substantial amount of money on the game and the woman is putting to win. The shot is very difficult, so the woman turns around and says "Which ever of you helps me make this putt gets a blow job." The first man runs up to the woman and says " Its a straight shot, but theres a small rise between you and the hole, so make sure that you hit the ball hard enough." The second man says "He's nuts. The green breaks right, make sure you correct for it." The woman turns to the third man for his advice and sees he's taking off his pants and says "Hey, what the hell are you doing?!" The third man replies "It's a gimmie." -Joe

To: Marc Fortier who wrote (3992)	12/2/1997 6:46:00 PM
From: Gary S. LeBlanc	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

The other day I was playing golf behind these to old guys in robes. On the 14th hole one of the guys has a shot over some water to the green. " What would Jack Nickalus use ? ", asked the old man to his partner. " Seven iron." He takes out his seven iron; comes up short and puts the ball in the water. He takes out another ball; swings away and puts that one in the water also. Frustrated the old man takes out another ball; whacks away only to see his ball go in the water one more time. He then proceeds to walk on the water and retrieve his ball. I can't believe my eyes so I walk on over to his partner and ask him," Who does this guy think he is-Jesus Christ or something ?" " Oh..He is Jesus Christ. He thinks he's Jack Nickalus."