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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SJS who wrote (4050)	12/3/1997 12:01:00 PM
From: Jay Bilotta	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62547

Family matters: Good, Bad, Worse. ******************************************* Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it. Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband. Good: The teacher thinks your son's great. Bad: In bed. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in. Good: You go to see a strip show. Bad: Your daughter's the headliner. Good: Your boyfriend's exercising. Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes. Good: Your daughter's on the Pill. Bad: She's eleven. Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. Bad: He weighs 350 pounds. Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex. Bad: You live downtown. Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude. Bad: She's coming home. Good: Your wife's kinky. Bad: With the neighbors. Worse: All of them.

To: SJS who wrote (4050)	12/4/1997 4:54:00 AM
From: Anthony Graham Poyser	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62547

Here's a dirty one. I'm new to this group, so perhaps you've read it before. A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot etc... So he says that he will wager 500 dollars to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play. A guy walks up with a guitar and sits it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimmi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his 500. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gallepsie. So the man pays his 500. A third guy walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look. Ha!", the man says, "can't you play it?". The octopus looks up at the man and says "Play it ?, I'm going to f**k it, as soon as I get its pyjamas off".