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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: S K who wrote (4166)	12/17/1997 1:58:00 PM
From: Mephisto	Respond to of 62552

I liked your MSFT joke so much that I'll post it to a friend at The Coffee Shop who has had trouble with Windows 95!

To: S K who wrote (4166)	12/20/1997 7:44:00 PM
From: Mike Winn	Respond to of 62552

This guy went shopping on a Saturday afternoon downtown and about six when the shops were starting to close, he decided he'd go into a pub to have one drink before he went home. He went into this pub, sat down and ordered his drink, but he was gobsmacked when he looked around him; everything seemed to made of gold, the counter top, the ashtrays, the mirrors behind the bar, the footbar he had his feet on, even his drink when it came, it had a pure gold rim around the glass! He couldn't get over it! So he had another drink while he looked around him, and another drink, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another. He got quite plastered. Eventually he arrived home about 4am, where his wife was waiting for him with the proverbial rolling pin. He explained how he had been so taken aback by so much gold everywhere that he had to stay and have another drink and another etc, and he related about the gold mirrors, the gold bar, the gold handrails, the gold footbar, the gold ashtrays. He even explained that they had GOLD URINALS!! His wife wasn't having any of that so she said in the morning he could ring up the bar to show he wasn't having her on. Next morning he tried to ring up the pub but he just couldn't remember what it was called, so he went looking through the phone directory but he still couldn't recall the name. His wife came on the scene then and suggested he start ringing up every pub in the book to ask them if they had all gold everywhere. She still didn't believe him you see. Would you? Fifty phone calls later. the guy who answers the phone says yes they have gold glasses, a gold countertop etc., etc., His wife grabs the phone from her husband and shouts into the phone "I suppose you have gold urinals too!" She hears him shout down the bar "LOUIS, LOUIS, I've found the guy who pissed into your sax last night!"

To: S K who wrote (4166)	12/20/1997 7:46:00 PM
From: Mike Winn	Respond to of 62552

A doctor and his wife are having an argument in the morning over breakfast and the doctor blurts out, "You know what? You're not that great in bed anyways!" So he goes off to work and thinks it over and decides to call his wife and make amends..... So he calls the house and the phone rings many, many times and then his wife finally answers the phone completely out of breath.... So the doctor says, "What were you doing?" and she says, "l was in bed!" and the doctor says, "What were you doing in bed so late in the day?" The wife says, "getting a second opinion!"

To: S K who wrote (4166)	1/15/1998 2:09:00 PM
From: S K	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62552

President Clinton is arriving back in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He steps out of the plane carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs the Marine guard sharply salutes him as usual. Clinton says; "I'd like to salute you back son, but as you can see my hands are full." The Marine replies: "Yes Sir Mighty fine pigs Sir" President Clinton responds: "These aren't just ordinary pigs Marine, they are pure Arkansas Razorback Pigs" The Marine replies: "Yes Sir Mighty fine Razorbacks Sir" The President then responds; "I got this one for Hillary, and this one for Chelsea." The Marine guard then replies; "Yes Sir Good trade Sir"