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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Pilot who wrote (4434)	1/21/1998 7:43:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Try These Jokes ENERGIZER BUNNY FOUND DEAD The world was stunned by the news, today, of the death of the ENERGIZER BUNNY. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42 p.m. last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and going and going, "Pinkie", as he was known to his friends and relatives, was alone at the time of death. An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura-Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put Mr... Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day the Little Rascals were in class and the teacher says they were going to have a spelling bee. She calls on Spankey. "Spankey can you spell dictate?" He begins "d-i-c-k-.." She stops him with "No". Then she goes on, "Alfalfa can you spell dictate?" Alfalfa says "d-i-c-t-a-e-..." She stops him also with "No". Then she calls on Buckwheat. "Buckwheat can you spell dictate?" Buckwheat says "d-i-c-t-a-t-e". The teacher says "Very good, now can you put that in a sentence?" Buckwheat replies "Darla how did my dictate last night?"

To: Pilot who wrote (4434)	1/22/1998 1:09:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

One liners Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese I'm not free, but I am on special this week I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I intend to live forever - so far, so good I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. ***********************************************************

To: Pilot who wrote (4434)	3/4/1998 9:02:00 PM
From: Pilot	Respond to of 62549

How about this one! A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... (She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye - bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."