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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: ken whited who wrote (4581)	1/30/1998 3:08:00 PM
From: Cactus Wren	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

What does a tile floor have in common with a man? . . . . . . . . . . If you lay it right, you can walk on it for years.

To: ken whited who wrote (4581)	1/31/1998 8:31:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Bill Clinton, Dan Quayle and Newt Gingrich get caught up in a twister and end up in Oz. When the dust settles and they realize where they are, Quayle says, "I'm going to see the Wizard to ask for a brain". Gingrich adds, "And I'm going to ask for a heart". Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy". ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dr. Seuss on Fornigate Mr Starr: I am Starr. Starr I are. I'm a brilliant barri-star. I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky? Did you grope her in your house? Did you grope beneath her blouse? Did she give you gifts and ties? Were you spied by prying eyes? Mr Clinton: I did not do that here or there! I did not do that anywhere! I did not do that in a chair! I went not near her giant hair! I did not join -- even for fun, The Mile High Club in Air Force One, So stow your feathers and your tar, I did not do her Starr you are! Mr Starr: Did you smile? Did you Flirt? Did you peek beneath her skirt? And did you tell the girl to lie, When called upon to testify? Mr. Clinton: That is it, you've gone too far! I do not like you Starr you are! I will not answer any more! In fact, I think I'll start a war! The public's easy to distract, ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Jesus love you. Everyone else thinks your an idiot. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What did Arafat say to Clinton last night ? "Sheep don't talk, my friend" What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic? At least we know how many people went down on the Titanic. What did Clinton say when he heard Monica Lewenski talking to the press? "Now she opens her mouth!" Famous presidential quotes: -"Ich bin ein Berliner" John F Kennedy -"I'm not a crook" Richard Nixon -" Tear down this wall, Mr. Gorbachev" Ronald Reagan - "Read my lips" George Bush - "Suck my dick" William J Clinton What's the best thing about being a female White House intern? All of the "hands on" experience! This is day three of Jailbate-gate for President Clinton-or as they are calling him now--the Unabanger. Only President Clinton could divert attention from a sex scandal with another sex scandal. I heard that Monica Lewinski's new job may be Director of the Head Start Program. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A young man joined the Army and signed up to be a paratrooper. After weeks of training the young got to jump out of his first plane. The man watched people ahead of him go and when it was his turn to jump he got scared and sat back down. The troop leader said to the young man, "IF YOU DON'T JUMP OUT OF THIS PLANE I'LL STICK MY DICK UP YOUR ASS!" A few weeks later the young man returned home and told his father what happened and he said, "did you jump?" The boy said," A little at first!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There once was a guy that was sitting in a bar drinking beer by the shot glass all day long. When the bar was ready to close the bartender asked him why he had been there all day. He told the man he was celebrating a blow job. the bartender said, "Well, in that case have a free one on me." "Thanks," the man replied,"because if this doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q: Why are brides dressed in white? A: So they match the rest of the appliances. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Two guys are riding to work on the bus. They both see two dogs goin' at it on a lawn. One guy, who's married, looks at the other and says, "Jeez, I'd give anything to do it to my wife like that." The other, a single guy, says, "Heck, that's easy. Just feed her three martinis." The same two guys are riding the bus to work the next morning. The single one asks the other: "Well, did you get to do it to your wife doggie style?" The married guy replies, "Yes, but it took SIX martinis." The single guy exclaims, "SIX martinis! How come so many?" The husband replies, "Hell, it took three just to get her out on the lawn."