Ken, yes indeed, a funny site. Here's one of their better ones:
bandersnatch.com
Meet the Clintstones
You remember them from their hit TV series in the 60s. Well, they're making a comeback! But times have changed, and so have the Clintstones. First, Fred was elected Grand Poobah of the Water Buffalo Lodge. As a result of that, the Clintstones moved from their hometown of Bed Rock to the big city of Washingstone.
Fred brought his old friend, Webb Rubble, and his wife Betty, along with him. Once in Washingstone, Fred had too learn how to deal with the press better, as the Grand Poobah is constantly in the media's eye. So he took some lessons in Washingstone-speak from his new press secretary, Mike McQuarry. And Fred's behavior has become more than a little erratic.
For your edification, we'll publish an excerpt from one of the new scripts currently under development. Earlier in the show in question, Fred told Wilma he had extra work to do at the lodge, and he'd miss dinner. Now, he has arrived home in the wee hours to find a suspicious Wilma waiting up for him.
Wilma: Fred, what's this I hear about the lodge being under investigation? The news said that you've been accused of over-mining down at the quarry--they're calling it Gravelgate. Sam Donaldstone has been calling the house all night, asking for a statement.
Fred: Our attorney, Granite Reno, promises that she'll leave no stone unturned trying to get to the bottom of that.
Wilma: But Fred, you're the Grand Poobah. Don't you know if the stories are true?
Fred [slurring his words]: Dear, you deserve an answer to these questions, and I'm going to make sure you get one, sooner rather than later.
Wilma: Fred, have you been drinking again?
Fred: Honey, I think that's an important topic for us to address. I think that, over time, a dialog on the subject could lead to meaningful change in a positive direction. The fact that the topic has even come up shows just how badly the Lodge needs drinking guideline reform.
Wilma: Fred, I just want to know if you've been drinking.
Fred: Wilma, I have no liquor with me. And at no time during the evening did I purchase any.
Wilma [looking past Fred, and out of the door]: And where's the car?
Fred: I have no positive knowledge of the whereabouts of the car. Perhaps you should ask Ted Kennyrock.
Wilma: Can't I ever get a straight answer from you? I called the lodge an hour ago, and there was no one there. Where were you?
Fred: I just stopped at RockDonald's for a bronto burger with the Vice Poobah, Al Ore.
Wilma: That's not bronto burger I smell on your breath. And there's lipstick on your collar!
Fred: That must be your lipstick from this morning, dear.
Wilma: Fred, Betty says she's seen you out to lunch with your secretary, that Monica Lewrocksky. Are you having an affair with her?
Fred: That accusation is just one of a series of partisan attacks on me by my enemies.
Wilma: Last year, you swore to me that nothing was going on between you two!
Fred: I know I told the truth then. And I know I'm telling the truth now. And I know my answers are not at odds.
Wilma: Won't you just give me a simple 'yes' or 'no'?
Fred: Honey, I'm not going to parse my statements for you.
Wilma: All right, Fred. I've had it. If this is the way it is between us, then maybe I'll just go public with the real story of Madistone Savings and Bone. Perhaps Newt Gingrock will be interested in hearing about those fossils in your closet. Or maybe we should let the Supreme Quartz know about the whole sordid tar pit.
Fred [begins crying]: Wilma, Wilma, I'm sorry. I've been really bad, but I need you now more than ever. You've made me what I am today.
Wilma [folds arms and taps foot, then speaks]: Well, Fred, I guess I could give you one last chance.
Fred [looking sheepish]: Gosh, Wilma, I really do love you. A big creep like me doesn't deserve a wonderful gal like you.
Wilma [holding open her arms]: Fred, you sweet old bear! [They embrace.] Without you, I'd never have become First Cow, wielding all of this power! You go to bed and sleep it off, and let me handle Sam Donaldstone and Brick Hume when they call.
Fade to music:
Clintstones, meet the Clintstones
They're a power hungry family
From the town of Bed Rock
They'll be laughed right out of history
Through the groping of a young intern
Fred set, all his bridges up to burn
When you're with Fred Clintstone
You'll have a good time
An any-deb-will-do time
You'll have a gay old time
c 1998, Gene Callahan and Stu Morgenstern |
