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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (4882)	3/7/1998 7:47:00 PM
From: Steve LaRiviere	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

69? I'd rather 68 and owe her one!

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (4882)	3/7/1998 8:51:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth. __________________________________________ Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink __________________________________________________ How do you know when a women's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...." ____________________________________________________________ How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven! __________________________________________________ Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ______________________________________________ How many men does it take to open a beer? None. The woman should have opened it by the time she brings it to the man on the couch. ____________________________________________________ One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!" ___________________________________________________ What do you do when your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you? You make the chain shorter. ______________________________________________________ What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told! ________________________________________________________ Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares! What was she doing out of the kitchen??? ________________________________________________________ I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. ________________________________________________________ It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. ________________________________________________________ Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. _________________________________________________________ Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. __________________________________________________________ Husband: Put your coat on love, I'm going to the bar. Wife: Are you taking me out for a drink? Husband: Don't be silly woman, I'm turning the heat off... _____________________________________________________________ Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs? So you can tell them apart from the feminists. ______________________________________________________________ I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. ______________________________________________________________ What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced. _______________________________________________________________ Why do women like intelligent men? Opposites attract. ____________________________________________________________ Some mornings I wake up grouchy...and some mornings I just let her sleep! _____________________________________________________________ A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. ________________________________________________________________ Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same. _____________________________________________________________ Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex drive by 90 percent........A wedding cake!!!

To: Doug Coughlan who wrote (4882)	3/8/1998 3:12:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

There are 5 little piggies. The 1st piggy walks into a bar and asks for 1 glass of water. When he is finished he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. The bartender says "To your left and down the hall" The second piggy comes in and asks for 2 glasses of water. When he finishes them he asks the bartender where the bathroom is. He directs him to his left and down the hall. The third piggy comes in and asks for 3 glasses of water and the bathroom too. The fourth piggy comes in and asks for 4 glasses of water and the bathroom. The 5th piggy comes in and drinks 5 glasses of water but does not ask for the bathroom. The bartender was confused and asks him. "I don't understand - the 1st pig asked for 1 glass of water and had to go to the bathroom and you asked for 5 but don't need to go to the bathroom, how come?" The fifth piggy replied by saying: "Don't you know the story? I go wee wee wee all the way home"