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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: bob who wrote (4945)	3/13/1998 1:46:00 PM
From: Lighthouse	Respond to of 62549

No offense intended. > > > Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. The > > > first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, > > > the third man was a chemist, the fourth was a government > > > worker. > > > > > > To show off, the engineer called to his dog. "T-square, do > > > your stuff." T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some > > > paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square and a > > > triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. > > > > > > The accountant said his dog could do better. He called his > > > dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went > > > out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He > > > divided them into four equal parts of three cookies each. > > > Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. > > > > > > The chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog > > > and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked > > > over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten > > > ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight > > > ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was > > > pretty smart. > > > > > > Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, > > > "What can your dog do?" > > > > > > The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee > > > Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate > > > the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually > > > assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back > > > while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working > > > conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation, and went home > > > on sick leave.

To: bob who wrote (4945)	3/14/1998 3:45:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

Mid-life Change A middle aged woman has a heart attack. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. She sees God, and asks if this is it. God says no, that she has another 30-40 years to live. She recovers, and decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, hair dyed, etc. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and immediately gets hit by an ambulance. She arrives in front of God and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30 or 40 years?" God replies, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you."