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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (4994)	3/17/1998 6:55:00 PM
From: emidio	Read Replies (5) \| Respond to of 62549

>> DO THIS BY THE RULES.... >> >>Try this and you will be amazed! Don't look ahead! Just do it step >>by step >> >> SLOWLY. >> >> >> >> ************************************************************** >> DO NOT SKIP AHEAD.Read this message ONE LINE AT A >> TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. >> If not, you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened. >> ************************************************************ >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>1) pick a number from 1-9 >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>2) subtract 5 >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>3) multiply by 3 >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>4) square the number (multiply by the same number -- >>not a square root) >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>5) add the digits until you get only one digit >>i.e. 64 = 6+4 = 10 = 1+0 = 1 >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise >>subtract 4. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>7) multiply by 2 >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>8) subtract 6 >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>9) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, >>2=B, 3=C, etc... >> >> >> >> >> >> >>10) pick a name of a country that begins with that >>letter >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>11) take the second letter in the country name >>and think of a mammal that begins with that letter >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>12) think of the color of that mammal >> >> >> >> >> >> >>(keep scrolling) >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>**************************************************************** >> >>DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE ALL OF THE ABOVE >> >> >> >> >> >>****************************************************************** >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>Here it comes, NO CHEATING or you'll be sorry. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >>What is a grey elephant doing in Denmark, anyway?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (4994)	3/18/1998 2:06:00 AM
From: bob	Respond to of 62549

Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate 1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "may I borrow a highlighter?" 2. Say, "uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that." 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold." 5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh no! My glass eye!" 6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before." 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of six feet. Sigh relaxingly. 8. Say, "Now how did that get in there." 9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus." 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbor's while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!" 11. Say, "Interesting............. more floaters than sinkers.'" 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?" 13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me now." 14. Fill a balloon with cream corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast. 15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggott." 16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?" 17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks. 18. Before you un-roll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall. 19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!" 20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

To: John Messbauer who wrote (4994)	3/18/1998 2:11:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion." So the two ladies took their sign down and took off. The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read.........."TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER.....$50.00."