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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (5165)	3/31/1998 10:31:00 AM
From: Jay	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62569

Haven't seen this posted. World's Shortest Books: (In order) 25. "Things I wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman 24. Human Rights Advances in China 23. The Differences Between Reality and Dilbert 22. "The Book of Virtue" by Bill Clinton 21. "To all the Men I've Loved Before" Ellen DeGeneres 20. "My Plan to Find the Real Killers" by OJ Simpson 19. "Strom Thurmond: Intelligent Quotes" 18. Al Gore: The Wild Years 17. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean 16. America's Most Popular Lawyers 15. Career Opportunities for History Majors 14. Detroit: A Travel Guide 13. Different Ways to Spell "Bob" 12. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches 11. East UNIX /* GCFL: come on! it's not that difficult!:-)*/ 10. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance 9. Everthing Men Know About Women 8. Everything Women Know About Men 7. French Hospitality to non-Francophones 6. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names 5. "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel 4. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA 3. Staple Your Way to Success 2. The Amish Phone Book and the Number One World's Shortest Book 1. The Engineer's Guide to Fashion

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (5165)	3/31/1998 10:44:00 AM
From: bob	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62569

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL<b/> 1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in #1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger. 4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.) 5. Again proceed as in #1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well. 6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair. 7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry. 8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position #1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops! 9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos. 10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor. 11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant. 12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge. 13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.) 14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man or woman. 15. Resume position #1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon. 16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done. 17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours). 18. Take two aspirins and lie down.