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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: bob who wrote (5260)	4/9/1998 3:48:00 PM
From: James Williams	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

a profile found on the 'net, I thought it hilarious, name omitted out of respect.... --------------------------------------------------- Full name: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Nicknames: Baldy, F***face, Dances With Wolves, Adonis D.O.B: 12/04/69 Location: xxxxxxxxxx,NJ Parents: John and Rosanne Siblings: Brian, Andrew Girl/boyfriend/mate/husband/wife: I got me some bitches Pets and their names: Jimmy Jobs: Copywriter, Fluffer, Haberdasher, Circus freak Hobbies: erotic fiction, sleeping, made-for-tv movies, jai alai, clowning Things I collect: panties, stamps, bodies of my victims, fat grams Important lesson you learned: "last one out is a rotten egg" Words and phrases you overuse: Hey now!, If you will, How much?, no I'm not gay, can I touch you there?, dear God please get me out of this one...Amen, Non-sport you excel in: getting beat up Dream car: Hearse Biggest Fear: Going to school naked. Coolest experience of my life: My first kiss Scariest experience of my life: having the lights suddenly flick on after my first kiss and finding myself surrounded by a bunch of laughing faces Scariest thing you've ever done: masturbating for $20 dollars at a truck stop Fave thing to do in spring: roam the countryside naked like an innocent schoolboy Winter: construct phalluses oout of snow in other people's front lawns Special skills or talent: retrieve my swimming trunks from the crashing waves Most influential person: David Hasselhoff Character traits you look for in a person: easy, blind, buxom, tight-assed Pet peeves: orgies that exceed 25 participants Future goals: to find a to support my desired lifestyle and maintain happiness. Fave music: The Cure, David Hasselhoff, et al Songs you especially enjoy: My Heart Will Go On Fave color: I wear black on the outside cos black is how I feel on the inside Fave food: [classified] If that information gets out, all you ladies will try to weasel your way into my heart... yes, thru my stomach. Least fave: cottage chees - whose idea was that? Funniest person(s) i know: some of my friends on the clowning circuit are pretty funny Fave subject: Art, Lit, Phlebotomy Fave sport(s): Soccer, Co-ed Naked Bocce Fave toy(s): French Tickler Fave book: too many Fave cartoon characters: Urkel (is he a cartoon yet?) Fave movies: way too many to list Fave music video: Just Like Heaven, Catch, Boys Don't Cry, Inbetween Days, The Caterpillar by the Cure; Regret by New Order Fave number: 22 Fave tv show: X Files, The Bob Saget Show Fave month: October Fave holiday: Christmas Fave part of news paper: the personal ads Fave toothpaste: Colgate Fave thing to wear: a paper bag over my head What color are your socks: I wear black on the outside... What position do you sleep in: missionary style or doggy style... yes, I sleep in those positions Favorite Drink: iced tea, cola, Guinness, the tears of the loveless

To: bob who wrote (5260)	4/11/1998 8:59:00 AM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

The famous Greek ship owner, Ori Oristotle was having a house built on a large piece of land in Greece. he said to the architect, "Dont disturb that tree over there because directly under that tree is where I had my first sex. How sentimental, Mr Oristotle," the architect said. "Right under that tree." "Yes," continued Ori Oristotle, "And dont touch that tree over there either. Because that's where her mother stood watching while I was having my first sex." "Her mother just stood there while you were fucking her daughter?" the architect asked."Yes," said the Greek ship owner. "But, Mr Oristotle, what did her mother say? "Baaaa" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What do you call sheep being sent from the Persian Gulf to New Zealand " WAR BRIDES" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife treats me like a god. She feeds me burnt offerings every day. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Picture a woman, mouth closed, cheeks bulging, uttering a muffled "mmm-mm-mmm" as if trying to speak. Q: What is this? A: Monica Lewinsky withholding evidence.