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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (355)	5/14/1998 2:50:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

OK, I get the message, this was told here before? I checked, but I guess I didn't check well enough.......how about this one: One Sunday morning Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt." After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was heart-broken. After eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, honey. I'm awfully sorry about this." Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," she complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother." Hillary just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (355)	5/15/1998 7:01:00 AM
From: TOM	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

I'm known as "Obe" wan kenobi? What's the problem here, need more originality?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (355)	5/15/1998 7:18:00 AM
From: TOM	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

OK. I went back & saw the repetition! I'm still known as "OBE 1" because even I can't spell my last name! Joke: This guy & his beautiful young wife are out golfing. He drives a long ball & it goes off course & goes through a house's patio window. The golfer feels real bad about this & knocks on the door to remedy this. No answer, so the guy opens the door & finds an old gent slumped in a recliner, with the golf ball after breaking the patio window, breaking an old triangular bottle next to him. The golfer apologises, saying, gee I'm sorry about the window & the bottle! Can I repay you? The really old looking guy says, "No! I owe you! I'm the Genie of that bottle, & I've been in there over 1,000 years! I'm so glad to be released that I will grant you any wish!" The young couple was nonplussed, and the wife could only think of "How about a million dollars!?" The Genie said " No problem", but I've been in that bottle over 1,000 years! And I haven't had any sex in 1,000 years! So I would like to take your wife upstairs. Now, a million dollars is still a tidy sum, even today, so the wife went up & obliged. After they were done, the Genie asked the young lady: "How old are you anyway?" The young lady replied, "I'm 31 years old!" The Genie said: "You're 31 years old & have never seen a Haig & Haig Bottle & still believe in Genies!!?"