Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: DScottD who wrote (5720)	6/3/1998 6:47:00 PM
From: Robert Floyd	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

>> -- Author Unknown<< I think that was taken from the book "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories," or something close to that title.

To: DScottD who wrote (5720)	6/4/1998 5:47:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

>My favorite chicken joke is still: > > Why did the chicken cross the road? > > To show possums that it can be done. > >..but here's a bunch more that a YUKster sent me. > >Why did the chicken cross the road, according to an engineer: > >1. To increase the amount of entropy present in the universe; >thereby speeding us to the final (dead) state of uniform temperature. > >Or: > >2. a)Assume a negligible coefficient of friction between > the road surface and the chicken's feet. > > b)Recognize that the chicken just laid (ejected) an egg. > > c)Then Newton's Third law maintains for every > force that can be applied, a force equal in magnitude > and opposite in direction must exist. > > d)Therefore, this reaction force propels > the chicken across the road (in accordance > with Newton's Second Law: F=mA) > >And you thought chickens were just dumb birds... > >...Or according to a financial economist who knows that chickens are >rational birds: > >After determining the risk of crossing the road, the chicken determined >the marginal increase in risk and the marginal improvement in returns >realizable from a more broadly diversified portfolio of the assets on >either side of the road. It optimized accordingly. > >...Or according to a monetary economist: > >Because the money supply changed or to change the money supply. We >can't determine which. > >...according to a Genealogist: > >Since his immigrant ancestors had felt compelled to cross the road for >reasons of religious and political oppression and economic hardship, the >chicken sought to retrace their steps back to the homeland in order to >understand and document their >experience. > >...according to a Historian: > >To examine the culture transmitted by the immigrants who originated from >across the road, in order to explain the determinants of a voluntary >society which has remained stubbornly democratic in its politics, >capitalist in its economy, libertarian in its laws, individualist in its >society and pluralistic in its culture. > >...according to various computer nerds. > >Assembler Chicken: First it builds the road ... > >C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways. > >C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply >refer to him on the other side. > >COBOL Chicken: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING. > IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES > THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD > VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL > ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE > ELSE > GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSINGc > >Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't >dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully >cooked. > >Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on >the other side. > >G3 300 mH Chicken: It crosses twice as fast as any Pentium chicken > >Gopher Chicken: Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken. > >Intel Pentium Chicken: The chicken crossed 4.9999978 times. > >Iomega Chicken: The chicken should have backed up before crossing. > >Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server >will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets.) > >Lotus Chicken: Don't you dare* try to cross the road the same way we >do! > >Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross >the road, so there's no way to tell it to. > >Microsoft Chicken (TM): It's already on both sides of the road. And it >just bought the road. > >Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can >carry it across the road in your pocket! > >NT Chicken: Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure. > >OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message. > >OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so >quiet that nobody noticed. > >OS/ 8.1 HFS+ Chicken: It had much more free space to cross. > >Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabalistically on >all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice. > >VB Chicken: USHighways!<TheRoad.cross> (aChicken) > >Web Chicken: Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on >running. > >Windows 95 Chicken: You see different colored feathers while it crosses, > >but cook it and it still tastes like ... chicken. > >Windows 98 Chicken: It should have expected to cause a crash while >crossing. > >...and still more chicken humor.... > >A meat counter clerk, who had had a particularly good day, proudly >flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. "That will be >$6.35," he told the customer. > >"That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have >anything larger?" > >Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the >refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. > >"This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65." > >The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. "I know what," >she said, "I'll take both of them!"