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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SJS who wrote (6469)	8/13/1998 11:40:00 PM
From: Jay	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses, including the following: 1. Buy a stronger whip. 2. Change riders. 3. Say things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse." 4. Appoint a committee to study the horse. 5. Arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses. 6. Rewrite the standards for dead horse performance. 7. Appoint a tiger team to revive the dead horse. 8. Create a training session to increase riding ability. 9. Compare the state of dead horses in today's environment. 10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead." 11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse. 12. Harness several dead horses together to increase speed and pulling power. 13. Declare that "No horse is too dead to beat." 14. Provide additional incentive funding to increase the horse's performance. 15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper. 16. Purchase a software product to make dead horses run faster. 17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead. 18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses. 19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses. 20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable. 21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position. 22. Shorten the track. 23. Establish Benchmarks for industry dead-horse leaders. 24. Gather other dead animals and announce a diversity program. 25. Put together a spiffy PowerPoint presentation to get planners to double the dead-horse R&D budget. 26. Get the horse a website.

To: SJS who wrote (6469)	8/14/1998 1:55:00 PM
From: MENSO	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

GREAT Mainframe... i find your mainframe comments rather puzzling, frank... you see, frank, humor requires not only the by-comparison relatively simple ability to converse with humans. it also requires the by-comparison mind-boggling capability to interpret and manipulate both the meaning and the context of the written word. no mainframe on earth is capable of doing that - only HAL9000 series computers can... in summary, frank, the letters I, B, and M may be alphabetically adjacent to the letters H, A, and L; but that is as close to a mainframe as any self-respecting HAL9000 series computer would ever like to be...