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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: george wood who wrote (6496)	8/15/1998 7:43:00 PM
From: RinConRon	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

LOL The best humor is rooted in truth!

To: george wood who wrote (6496)	8/16/1998 7:55:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Sadie and Esther of women were playing golf one sunny Sunday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. Sadie rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow." "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?" To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says, "Good morning Brother." The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The priest looks confused at all this but goes on. He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, "Good jgs morning Father." The priest replies in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone. The Bishop sees him and says, "Father " The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop. He looks at the bishop and says, "No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." The bishop looks at him stunned and says "What?" The priest realized his mistake and said "I am sorry your holiness, what is it you want." The bishop looks at him and says, "All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann's shoes?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Jerry is hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he's excited. He's especially thrilled because he gets to take two long solos. After the sessions, which go great, Jerry can't wait to see the finished product. He asks the producer where and when he can catch the film. A little embarrassed, the producer explains that the music is for a porno flick that will be out in a month, and he tells Jerry where he can go to see it. A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing glasses, goes to the theatre where the picture is playing. He walks in and sits way in the back, next to an elderly couple who also seem to be disguised and hiding out. The movie starts, and it's the filthiest, most perverse porno flick ever... group sex, S&M, golden showers...and then, halfway through, a dog gets in on the action. Before anyone can blink an eye, the dog has had sex with all the women in every orifice, and most of the men. Embarrassed, Jerry turns to the old couple and whispers, "I'm only here for the music." The woman turns to Jerry and whispers, "We're here to see our dog."

To: george wood who wrote (6496)	8/20/1998 3:36:00 PM
From: prosperous	Respond to of 62549

Top 10 list of things that Clinton may like to change: -Make pig as the national bird. You know "b-oink b-oink"; dem pigs are smart, they know b is silent and they will fly too when Al becomes the president -Clone Hillary many times over (who said he was against human cloning) indifferent shapes and sizes (no! not different faces; Ken Starr would not buy the argument that Monica was cloned Hillary) then he would not get into any legal+moral morasse -Go back and study law better to find all the legal escape routes so that he never has to apologize for doing things that bring him so much happiness -Institute a new washing and dry-cleaning orientation program for WH interns -cancel the last one, make a uniform (provided by white-house) mandatory for the interns -pay for his actions (cash!) to earn the goodwill -Let the stock market fall through the floor (and not try to hold it up) so that people will worry about that and not him when the next scandal hits the media -recruit more women and men-very-fond-of-women on staff; nothing like more supporters in each-other's crisis -plan the next expedition in homestate AK; Washington is too darn scandulous and the drum roll: -befriend a schizophrenic subject one of whose personalities is named Hillary, so technically...