I wonder if you happen to be related to Ruth Smythers, the author of the article below.
A reprint from the Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue 1894
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE
FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
In the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage
State, for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
by Ruth Smythers
Beloved wife of The Reverend L.D. Smythers, Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist Church of
the Eastern Regional Conference
Published in the year of our Lord 1894
Spiritual Guidance Press, New York City
INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE
To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is,
ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the
wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony,
symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the
negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by
facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.
At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate
the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual
husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be
forgotten:
GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY.
Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worst
rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is
compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.
It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation.
While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for
the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the
average man.
Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum
of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by, she
should make every effort to reduce this frequency.
Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter.
Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening
about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.
Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the
amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to
once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year
of marriage.
By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have
achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can
depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.
Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay
equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather
perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices.
These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the
female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.
Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs and drawings depicting or
suggesting sex are the obnoxious habits the male is likely to acquire if permitted.
A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never
allow him to display his unclothed body to her. Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be
practiced only in total darkness. Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns
for themselves and pajamas for their husbands. These should be donned in separate rooms. They
need not be removed during the sex act. Thus, a minimum of flesh is exposed.
Once the bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should lie quietly upon the bed
and await her groom. When he comes groping into the room she should make no sound to guide him
in her direction, lest he take this as a sign of encouragement. She should let him grope in the dark.
There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight injury which she can use as an
excuse to deny him sexual access.
When he finds her, the wife should lie as still as possible. Bodily motion on her part could be
interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic husband.
If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she should turn her head slightly so that the kiss falls harmlessly
on her cheek instead. If he attempts to kiss her hand, she should make a fist. If he lifts her gown and
attempts to kiss her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring from the
bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet. This will generally dampen his desire to kiss in
the forbidden territory.
If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife will suddenly remember
some trivial non-sexual question to ask him. Once he answers she should keep the conversation
going, no matter how frivolous it may seem at the time.
Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual contact, he must get on with it
without amorous embellishment. The wise wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther that the
waist, and only permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.
She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he's huffing and puffing away.
Above all, she will lie perfectly still and never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is
in progress. As soon as the husband has completed the act, the wise wife will start nagging him about
various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the morrow. Many men obtain a major portion of
their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful exhaustion immediately after the act is over. Thus the wife
must insure that there is no peace in this period for him to enjoy. Otherwise, he might be encouraged
to soon try for more.
One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that the husband's home, school,
church, and social environment have been working together all through his life to instill in him a deep
sense of guilt in regards to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch apologetically
and filled with shame, already half cowed and subdued. The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and
relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely her husband's desire for sexual
expression.
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