Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6687)	9/3/1998 2:03:00 PM
From: GROUND ZERO™	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

Well, to give credit where credit is due. I think I first heard that joke from Milton Berle about a hundred years ago. GZ

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6687)	9/3/1998 5:27:00 PM
From: GROUND ZERO™	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

This elderly lady goes to the doctor and tells him that she leaves gas alot, and none of her friends want to visit her or go shopping with her any more. The doctor tells the woman that he'll be right back, then he leaves the room for a moment. He comes back into the examining room where the elderly lady was waiting. In his hand he has a long stick with a big hook on the end of it. The woman is obviously frightened and asks the doctor, "Doctor, what are you going to do with that?" The doctor replies, "Well, the first thing I'm going to do is open the window, it stinks in here." GZ

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6687)	9/8/1998 1:38:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62558

For anyone was bothered by your boob post: Men Jokes How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught fire. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them. Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut. Why don't women blink during foreplay? They don't have time. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions. What do men and sperm have in common? They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow. When do you care for a man's company? When he owns it. What are a woman's four favorite animals? A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all. Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that. What did God say after creating Eve? "Practice makes perfect." How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married. Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says:"So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years? He wouldn't ask for directions.

To: Henry Volquardsen who wrote (6687)	9/8/1998 1:46:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62558

The Masturbata (sung to tune of the Macaraena) by Adam Sandler Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alona, >> Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona. >> Go and grab a Penthouse it's the one with Sharon Stona. >> Hey >> Masturbata!! >> I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nicea, >> Once ain't quite enough so I have to do it twicea. >> If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea. >> Hey >> Masturbata!! >> I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina, >> Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana. >> Never shake my hand cause you don't know where its beena >> Hey >> Masturbata!! >> I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta, >> One hand on the wheel and the other's on my meata. >> I can't get out the car cause I'm sticking to the seata. >> Hey >> Masturbata! >> Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbata, >> choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomata. >> I've looked at Ms. November now I'n gonna decorate her. >> Hey >> Masturbata! >> Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacona, >> Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm makinga. >> Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achinga. >> Hey > >> Masturbata!