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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Canuck Dave who wrote (7458)	10/22/1998 1:51:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62548

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home. “Sixty is the worst age to be” announced the sixty year old. “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!” “Ah, that's nuthin” said the seventy year old “When you're seventy, you can't take a crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran - you sit on the toilet all day and nothin comes out !” “Actually” said the eighty year old “Eighty is the worst age of all” “Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked the sixty year old. “No...not really. I pee every morning at 6AM. I piss like a race horse - no problem at all.” “Do you have trouble traking a crap ? “ asked the seventy year old. “We-l-l-ll not really. I have a great bowel movement every morning at 6:30.” With great exasperation, the sixty year old says “Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at six o'clock and take a crap every morning at six thirty. What's so tough about being eighty ?” To which the eighty year old replied “I don't wake up until ten.” __________________________- A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant. The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the pigs. So he loads the pigs into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs are still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the pigs are laying in the mud. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn".