Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Grainne who wrote (25783)	11/2/1998 10:53:00 PM
From: George S. Montgomery	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

Christine, I haven't directly addressed you for quite a while... It seems to me that the barrier that separates us, you and me, is one of instant awareness vs. eternal or timeless awareness. Your problems with, or about, aging are so immediate. And the only immediate-ness I can find in our lives is that of a staccato pinprick of all-ness. Do not fret bout your troubled titties. What is is. geo

To: Grainne who wrote (25783)	11/3/1998 8:25:00 AM
From: Sam Ferguson	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Sorry to hear of the cancer scare. What is may be is, however, it must be dealt with. The way we handle the situation will be difficult to decide but it is our own decision to make. There is where individual views of life-death enter in. As our views change by our experiences age does make for better understanding. The way I handle my situations would be impossible for someone else to follow. Most fear death where I look at it as just as natural as birth and growth. I cannot say I am anxious for the experience but at times in excruciating pain I have begged God to take me and stop the suffering. Although I cannot prevent bad situations, I know the way I handle it can make all the difference in results. I didn't have much choice in my situation. I was notified by the doctors phone call that my latest test showed an aortic aneurysm and I should rush to the hospital and even then might not make it in time. When I got to hospital I was rushed thru a series of tests and operated on about 12 hours later. I never woke up for 2 1/2 months. They punctured the colon in removing the aorta and replacing it. This in turn caused 6 more operations, a colonoscopy, removal of one leg from gangene and the removing half the other one, a tracheotomy due to lung failure, and several things for the stomach and kidney failure and drainage tubes, a hole in my chest for a feeding tube. I was in a coma and knew about none of this. The doctors pulled the life supports and told my wife I would be gone in 3 days or less so she should make funeral arrangements which was done. Instead of dying I came out of the coma the next day so they started the life supports back and I recovered pretty fast where I could go home. There was so much to deal with in therapy it kept me busy. All the muscle in my body was weak but I was determined to get out of that bed and walk on prosthesis. I bought one for the half leg and after a year of arm exercise was able to take a few steps on a walker. Then next news was while catherizing the heart during the long operations they had damaged the heart and the strain of walking would cause heart failure. So then confined to wheel chair. There were snags such as these and all kinds of problems you cannot imagine, so believe have faced as much trauma as most will ever have to face and overcome. Margaret and I decided if I was going to get better we would have to do it and not depend on doctors. I have refused several operations since that time and proved the doctors judgments wrong. The methods were used were not the usual. We laughed and joked about the situation instead of crying. For example while she was doing the nasty task of changing the ostomy appliance and cleaning I would ask her if she had ever seen a prettier a--hole. She would reply, "You keep talking to me like that I will hide your wheelchair. Margaret was running herself down caring for me which made me determined to get better to take the load off her. We started thinking of shedding the sick look so got rid of the hospital bed, the hospital type gowns she made me, the hoya lift she used to get me up and down, and quit eating in bed and went to the table. I didn't tell you all this for pity but to let you know God gives us each one inspirations to handle the situations. Most think all this is the cause of my philosophy change but I assure you that it was the result of prior experience of God that has carried me thru. Margaret had a colon cancer removed last year and it was removed and recovery was very fast. Humor doesn't always work with everyone. My doctor was offended when I asked him if he wasn't going to kiss it and make it well. gggg If others are offended so be it. That is just me. The only answers for emotions is control and you are the engineer. The fable of the little train still works for us "old folks."

To: Grainne who wrote (25783)	11/3/1998 1:54:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

I heard something on the radio today that a failing body leads to a failure of dignity. I guess that the sense of shock&betrayal that comes with a serious illness never goes away. The courage comes in coexisting with that sense of betrayal and living each day anyway. This is of course very hard work - and if the illness is painful one is distracted from it. Those who are at peace with their impending death are often so in spite of having no better answers than the rest of us. I find this amazing - and heartening. Some day it'll be my turn to come up against the end of the line. I hope I do so with honor.

To: Grainne who wrote (25783)	11/3/1998 8:08:00 PM
From: Rick Julian	Respond to of 108807

Dear Christine, I had you on my mind this weekend, and today. First, because I reflected on the meaning I've found in relating to some interesting people on your thread--a thread where such relation is encouraged--and a thread that was begun by YOU. I thank you for beginning and maintaining it. Secondly, I thought about you today because cancer has been such a constant in my life. I told some friends recently that my life has been divided into the cancer "on-season" and the cancer "off-season"--each demarcated by those occasions when my mother (or loved one) was, or was not, afflicted. I am grateful your tests came back negative. I'm also sure you experienced an existential "moment" which attended your "not knowing" phase. These are powerful moments which invite us to inventory ourselves, our philosophies,and as importantly, invite us to be grateful for all we have: our health, our lives, our children, our loved ones . . .Did you have any revelations? You are on my mind. With love, Rick

To: Grainne who wrote (25783)	11/4/1998 8:42:00 AM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Hi CGB, I'm so glad that everything turned out all right. It's one thing to intellectually understand that the majority of lumps and pains aren't necessarily the harbingers of death, but emotionally we all envision the worst. A few weeks ago I called my doctor with some symptoms and he ordered me in for tests immediately. By the time he sat down with me and assured me that I was all right, it was too late. I had planned my funeral, mentally written moving, and of course ultimately publishable, letters to my children, and told Dan whom to marry next. The following minor surgery was anticlimactic. Anyone who has watched loved ones die of cancer, seen the devastation it wreaks on the body and soul, and doesn't fear it, wouldn't be normal. No one chooses to die by a painful, lingering, and degrading illness and could hardly be expected to not rail against and fear the thought. Death is a separate issue from the process of dying. I don't know, no one does, what follows this, but whether there's an afterlife or not, I do know that I'm not wild about leaving this one. Instinctively we cling to life. I know George expresses a fatalistic acceptance of life and death and his own place therein, but am surprised that he seemed to think this is a desirable state or one that most people share, but it really doesn't matter. At this time that's an impossible state for you or me. We care too much. We're still very much "in" life--we are necessary to our families, we still hope to leave some sort of small indentation where we walk, and the idea of not being around and involved makes me furious. Aging is life reminding us that we may not be here to see how it all turns out. It holds the ultimate power and it reminds us every now and then with a wrinkle and a pain that it's in charge. With fifty, somehow the wrinkles and the sagging are losing importance. What has taken top priority is that I no longer want to waste time. My tolerance for pettiness and meanness or whininess is very low. And if something isn't feeling right, no longer do I fret about whether my reaction is logical or is it approved by others. My instincts are as good as theirs for the most part and certainly more valid for me! Halloween the boys took off with their friends, Dan was playing baseball out of town and I was home with the basket of candy. I just didn't feel like being the good neighbor-mom. So I rented Scream 2, turned off all the lights and ate all the Three Musketeers and York Peppermint Patties myself. MAybe all I'm saying is that since there's so little we can do to change the outcome, we should make sure we enjoy our portion of the candy, sharing what we can, not taking anyone else's, but not failing to thoroughly relish what we have. (This doesn't mean we don't have moments of wanting someone else's Mounds Bar, though. Or that we always like the peanuts in our Hershey's.)

To: Grainne who wrote (25783)	11/4/1998 9:01:00 PM
From: Emile Vidrine	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

Christine, Mortality is a nebulous concept until it takes form behind threatening words like biopsy and cancer. Our scarred and eternal spirits rebel when time and space attempt to confine what cannot be confined. Man has an inbred sense of eternity because his spirit is made in the image and likeness of Eternity himself. Eternal Jesus took on temporality to demonstrate that God-filled man cannot be held by time and space. Jesus raised others from the grave and finally He was raised himself. The darkness of sin has scarred man's eternal soul and given the dark god of time and space dominion and terror for a season. The sting of death lingers in man's consciousness until fear is defeated by the cleansing Blood of Jesus and the eternal spirit restored. The Life and teachings of Christ testify of man's need for cleansing and eternal restoration just as the heavens declare His handiwork. The life of God in Christ is Eternal Life. When the dullness of man rejects these powerful voices and testimonies, there remains the final sting and terror that comes with the consciousness and certitude of our mortality. It is there that our innate need for eternal life seeks serious answers. Gilgamesh had to watch the worms crawl from the rotting corps of his warrior friend before the terror of his own mortality finally gripped his heart. The quest for Eternal Life then became his consumming passion. All men will sooner or later come to that same quest. The deepest need of man is Eternal Life. God our creator, because of his love, has simplified our quest by sending Jesus to take away our mortal and sinned-filled souls and giving us in return the life of God or Eternal Life. It is not through the wisdom of man or the cleverness of the mind that man comes to Eternal Life but through a simple trust in his creator and His solution---faith the Cross of Christ. Immortality for mortality is the essence of the Christian message. Emile