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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Richard Hoffman who wrote (7633)	11/5/1998 7:50:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you ever get to feeling horny?" "Yes," her friend replied. "What do you do about it?" "I usually suck on a Lifesaver." After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, "Well, what beach do you go to?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ These three women were sitting around one night talking about there boyfriends when they decided they would give their men nicknames based of types of soda. The first woman said: "I'm gonna call Tom "Mountain Dew" because he is as strong as a mountain and always wants to do it!" The second woman said: "I'm gonna call Bruce "7-Up" because he has seven inches and it is always up!" The third woman said: "I'm gonna call my man "Jack Daniels." The other two women responded: "Jack Daniels? But that's a hard liquor." The third woman replied: "THAT'S MY LEROY!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realize they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. "So did you tell her?" asks Jeff. "Yep", replies Bob. "Say, where did you get the six-pack?" Bob informs Jeff. "She gave it to me." "WHAT??" exclaims Jeff, "you just told her her husband died and she gave you a six-pack??" "Sure," Bob says. "WHY?" asks Jeff. "Well," Bob continues, "when she answered the door, I asked her, 'are you Steve's widow?' 'Widow?', she said, 'no, no, you're mistaken, I'm not a widow! ' So I said: "I'll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."

To: Richard Hoffman who wrote (7633)	12/12/1998 3:43:00 PM
From: Richard Hoffman	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 62549

A broker died and went up to Heaven. But, at the gates, St. Peter told him, "Sorry, we're full." So he asked if he could talk through the bars to some of the angels. "Sure. Go ahead," he was told. So he went up to the bars and whispered to a couple of former brokers, "I hear there are some great cheap stocks available down in Hell." On that rumor, there was an exodus of all the brokers from Heaven to Hell. St. Peter then said to the broker, "Well, now it appears we have some space, so come on in." The broker replied, "I'd love to, but I'm going with them!"