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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (7921)11/29/1998 3:31:00 PM
From: Cheeky Kid  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 62550
 
I am a man, so I don't really agree with this, <s> but it is just a joke:

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a
perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was,of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their
perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed
someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple,
they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of
toys.

Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the
perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon
they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)
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The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in
the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is
no such thing as a perfect man.

****Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep
scrolling.****
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Were you expecting something else? The jokes over already.....click next.
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You know....if your a man reading this, you give us guys a bad name.
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Are you still here????
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You are worse than a blonde.
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Is this the longest post on SI?
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Do you have anything better to do?
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<eom>



To: Peter S. Maroulis who wrote (7921)11/30/1998 8:16:00 PM
From: John Messbauer  Respond to of 62550
 
Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test. The Monsignor
leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.

In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.

*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

"Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness." The candidate leaves.

The dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:

*Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell...
"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness"

The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.

"James, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest".

Now, go and join your weaker brethen in the shower". *Ting-a-ling*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "God, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die.

As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked
,"Do you suck?"

"No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he dropped her.

As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her.

"Do you screw?" he asked.

"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her, too.

The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.

"I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut," he said, and dropped her.


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