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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Grainne who wrote (26449)	12/3/1998 12:21:00 AM
From: Ilaine	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

>>>>>But typically, Irish men are fairly inhibited about their feelings, and one of the purposes of drinking is to provide a safe place where they can express them (and act the idiot and hug all the men in the bar, as well).<<<<< Dear Christine, thanks for post. Yes, there are a couple of things in particular I would like to know. This is apropos of a platonic friendship that recently ended badly. I don't understand what happened, or why, and maybe it has nothing to do with cultural differences, but maybe it does. Why do Irishmen WANT to act the idiot? Why do Irishmen WANT to hug all the men in the bar? If an Irishman is closeted gay, is there any way to tell? Are Irishmen more likely to use ad hominem arguments? All for now. CobaltBlue

To: Grainne who wrote (26449)	12/3/1998 6:29:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Christine, maybe I should be a little more specific, although the topic is extremely personal and painful. I am thinking about one man in particular, formerly my best friend and business partner. We are both married, never cheated on our spouses, but had a warm, affectionate, loving, relationship for several years. Then I found out he was looking at porn on the Internet, and got jealous, and told him (via e-mail) that I did not want to have anything more to do with him socially,and that I thought anyone who looked at porn on the Internet was a pathetic loser. He responded by refusing to speak to me, threatening to have me arrested if I came to his office, and went behind my back to my best client and got me fired. I am having a hard time getting over it, and one of the things that I wonder is if maybe part of it is cultural, that I just don't understand? Another thing that puzzled me is why he would not sleep with me. For a long time I accepted that he was being loyal to his wife, but he kept complaining that they were not sleeping together, either, so I started wondering if maybe he was gay but not out of the closet?

To: Grainne who wrote (26449)	12/3/1998 7:57:00 PM
From: Dayuhan	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 108807

Christine, typically, Irish men are fairly inhibited about their feelings Typically, aren't most men? I know that the trend now is away from such inhibitions, but every time I hear men proving their modernity by ostentatiously talking about feelings, I get the impression that they are not being entirely honest, that they are saying what they think their audience wants to hear. I've actually grown much more reticent about discussing feelings as I've grown older, particularly when it comes to discussing feelings intimately with women. It always seems a bit like dealing with those cops on TV: anything you say can and will be used against you. Forever. My experience is that when women say they want to know what you really feel, they have very specific things that they expect to hear, and react badly to anything else. Which usually leaves the alternative of lying or keeping your mouth shut. The men who get the reputation of being honest and sensitive are often just the best liars. Has anyone else noticed how women flock around men who lie through their teeth? That should get the conversation going on a subject other than religion... Steve