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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Messbauer who wrote (7992)	12/6/1998 3:41:00 PM
From: aknahow	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A man went to an noodle restaurant located in a red light district. Ordered a plate of noodles and when he was almost finished called out loudly for the manager saying he had found a pubic hair among the noodles and he was disgusted and was not going to pay. The manager thought this was suspicious so she followed him when he left. She saw him enter one of the houses and as she entered she saw him go upstairs with one of the women. She followed and saw them go into a room. After waiting a bit she threw open the door and saw him performing oral sex. She said, "What a double standard, here you are with at least 1,000 pubic hairs in your mouth, while at my restaurant you refused to pay after finding just one, in your noodles." The man said, "What double standard? If I find just one noodle in there, I'm not paying her either!"

To: John Messbauer who wrote (7992)	12/8/1998 8:26:00 AM
From: Tomato	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

'Twas the Month After Christmas Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt--- I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" So--away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished "Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie--not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore--- But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!