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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tarzan who wrote (8269)	1/2/1999 3:20:00 PM
From: Chip Anderson	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

My fav is #21. =============================== PETER MARSHALL'S LIST OF FAVORITE ANSWERS FROM "HOLLYWOOD SQUARES" 1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margret would like to start having babies, soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why? PAUL LYNDE: He's out of town. 2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen? CHARLEY WEAVER: Dennis Weaver-- that's why they asked the question. 3. What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't? PAUL LYNDE: They give milk...and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies. 4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant? 5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? CHARLEY WEAVER: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. 6. Robert Young recently stated, "I never, never give..." something to his fans who ask for it. What? PAUL LYNDE: A hysterectomy. 7. James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did. What was it? MARTY ALLEN: Rhonda Fleming. 8. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet. 9. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What? PAUL LYNDE: An engagement ring. 10. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What? CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking. 11. When the Lone Ranger finished with a case, he left something behind. What? PAUL LYNDE: A masked baby. 12. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them. CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests. 13. You're on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why? PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride. 14. If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it. 15. Do female frogs croak? PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little heads under water. 16. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? DON KNOTTS: That's what's been keeping me awake. 17. Is there any such thing as an F cup in bra sizes? PAUL LYNDE: Yes, it sleeps four. 18. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas. PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos. 19. According to the World Book, is it okay to freeze your persimmons? PAUL LYNDE: No. You should dress warmly. 20. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy? PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some? 21. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit? JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It's daddy's turn. ================== Chip coolhistory.com This week: 1998 Summary Charts!