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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (8347)	1/9/1999 1:53:00 AM
From: Chip Anderson	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62550

Some Fun Quotes: Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. OK, so what's the speed of dark? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. Two wrongs are only the beginning. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. A fool and his money are soon partying. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back. Half the people you know are below average. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Chip coolhistory.com - Just updated!