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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (8392)	1/13/1999 10:36:00 AM
From: Thomas M.	Respond to of 62549

How many SEC students does it take to change a light bulb? Well . . . At Vanderbilt it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer. At Georgia it takes three. One to change the bulb, and two to phone a friend at Georgia Tech and get instructions. At Florida it takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three to figure out how to get high off the old one. At Alabama it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Bear would have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Auburn students. At Ole Miss it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion. At LSU it takes seven, and each one gets credit for four semester hours for it. At Kentucky it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season. At Tennessee it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how Phillip Fulmer is too stupid to do it. At Mississippi State it takes fifteen. One to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to shout, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS, GO TO HELL!!!" At Auburn it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Bama, and 50 who realize it's all a lie. At South Carolina it takes 80,000. One to screw it in, and 79,999 to discuss how this will finally be the year they have a good football team. At Arkansas it takes none. There is no electricity in Arkansas.

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (8392)	1/13/1999 10:47:00 AM
From: Thomas M.	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes, it is," the man replies. "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man replies. "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he's in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off. "Yes, it is," replies the man. "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch." "I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy. "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS? That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?" To which the priest exclaims, "Don't you start that shit in here."

To: SIer formerly known as Joe B. who wrote (8392)	1/14/1999 9:07:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

A new bride is preparing to make love for the first time to her new husband. The wife puts on her slinkiest neglegee. When she enters the bedroom, her husband is nowhere to be found. She goes into the living room, only to find him sleeping on the couch. She wakes him and pleads with him to join her in their wedding bed. He flatly refuses. When she asks him why he replies, "My mamma told me about you girls. I know that you have teeth down there and I'm not puttin' any part of me in there". She trys to disuade him and finally says,"Honey, let me show you that I don't have teeth down there". She exposes herself to him and he takes a good hard look and replies, "Of Course you don't have teeth down there... your gums are terrible". ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two lesbians walk into a whore-house, and they go up to the pimp. The one lesbian goes, "We want the youngest girl you got!" So the pimp looks at them for a second and says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Are you and Larry serious?" the one girl asked her friend while they were talking over cocktails. "We're still a little short of a meeting of the minds." she replied. "I want a big, old-fashioned June wedding, and he wants a quickie in the back seat." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman was feeling really horny and wanted her husband to fuck her. He didn't feel like it, he just wanted to read. As he was reading, he would reach over every once in a while and rub her cunt. She said, "If you don't want to fuck, will you stop teasing me? "He said ,"I'm not teasing you, I'm wetting my fingers so I can turn the page!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If they combined country with rap, would they call it crap? We're lost, I told my wife, but at least we're making good time.