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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Thomas M. who wrote (8394)	1/13/1999 12:20:00 PM
From: hcm1943	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to >bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a >discussion among them. > >First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we >settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would >be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get >HIS cows, but I ain't giving' him any of mine." > >Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 >years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are >mine. I'll fight him, run him off or kill him, but I'm KEEPING' ALL >MY COWS." > >Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have >only let me have 10 cows to "take care of." I may not be as big as >you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep >all MY cows." > >They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls >up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the >biggest Son-of-Another- Bull these guys had ever seen. At 4,700 >pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel >ramp to the breaking point. > >First Bull: "Ahem...You know, it's actually been some time since I >really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can >spare a few for our new friend." > >Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of, if I just stay >on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not >looking for an argument." > >They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him >pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting. > >First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him >have some of your cows and live to tell about it." > >Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL my cows. I'm just making sure >he knows I'm a bull." > >~~~~~~~~~ > >A man is on a business trip in Houston and buys a really cool pair of >snakeskin boots and can't wait to show them to his wife. Upon returning from >his trip late the next evening, his wife is in the bathroom getting ready for >bed. He quickly strips down naked except for his new boots and stands in the >bedroom to wait for her. As his wife emerges from the bathroom, her husband >asks, "Well, honey, do you notice anything special?" To which the wife >replies, "Yeah, it's limp!" > >"It's not limp!" exclaims the husband. "It's admiring my new snakeskin boots!" > >"Next time buy a hat." > >~~~~~~~~~ > >Q What do you call a sheep that does housework? >A. A threat to women everywhere. > >~~~~~~~~~ > >At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney >attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five >thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, >as though he hadn't hear the question. > >"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise his >case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. > >Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." > >"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you." > >~~~~~~~~~