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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (8460)	1/15/1999 10:09:00 PM
From: Dr. Stoxx	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Seems there was this guy who died and went to Hell, where he was met by Satan. Satan told the guy that he would have his choice of three rooms in which to spend eternity. Satan showed him the first room. Inside there was a large group of people, all standing on their heads on a hardwood floor. "What's in the second room?" the guy asked. Satan showed the guy the second room. Inside there was a large group of people all standing on their heads on a hard concrete floor. "What's in the third room?" the guy asked. Satan showed the guy the third room. Inside there was a large group of people, standing up to their knees in dog shit, drinking coffee. "I'll take the third room", the guy replied. "At least there I get to drink coffee and stand on my feet". Satan smiled, showed the guy into the third room, and then announced, "OK folks, coffee break's over!".

To: Edwarda who wrote (8460)	1/19/1999 8:57:00 PM
From: John Messbauer	Respond to of 62549

A Frenchman bought a new pair of boots of which he was very proud so he decided to go dancing in a New Year's Eve party and give them a try. After dancing with one lady for a few minutes he said "I bet you I can guess the color of your panties." "O.K.", she replied, "what color do you think they are?" "Blue", he replied. "How did you know that?" she asked? "I saw the reflection in my shiny new boots", he said. "Here" she said "dance with my sister an tell what color she has on", the lady said. After dancing a few minutes the Frenchman started rubbing toes on his pant cuffs an started to dance again. After a few minutes he ask the lady "what color panties do you have on, I can't seem to make them out." To which she replied, "I don't have any panties on." With a sign of relief the young man said, "oh good, for a minute I thought I had a crack in my new boots." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself." "What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated. "Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?" "Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed. After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, "Do you want them mounted?" Blushing, she said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?" The second guy speaking very slowly tells the first guy, "I w..a..s a..l..m..o..s..t m..a..r..r..i..e..d." The first guy says in amazement, "Hey; you don't stutter any more." The answer comes, " Y..e..s, I w..e..n..t t..o a d..o..c..t..o..r a..n..d h..e t..o..l..d m..e t..h..a..t i..f I s..p..e..a..k s..l..o..w..l..y I w..i..l..l n..o..t s..t..u..t..t..e..r." The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married. "W..e..l..l m..y f..i..a..n..c..e..e a..n..d I w..e..r..e s..i..t..t..i..n..g o..n h..e..r p..o..r..c..h a..n..d t..h..e d..o..g w..a..s s..c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..c..k a..n..d I t..o..l..d h..e..r t..h..a..t w..h..e..n w..e a..r..e m..a..r..r..i..e..d s..h..e c..a..n d..o t..h..a..t f..o..r m..e a..n..d s..h..e t..h..r..e..w t..h..e r..i..n..g i..n m..y f..a..c..e.." "Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend. " W..e..l..l I s..p..e..a..k s..o s..l..o..w..l..y, t..h..a..t b..y t..h..e t..i..m..e s..h..e l..o..o..k..e..d a..t t..h..e d..o..g, h..e w..a..s l..i..c..k..i..n..g h..i..s b..a..l..l..s"