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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Jack Colton who wrote (8541)	1/23/1999 12:42:00 AM
From: Jack Colton	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks." The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes". Remember, all you Blondes out there.... it's only a 'joke.' Kind of like being blonde.... it's only a state of mind... jc

To: Jack Colton who wrote (8541)	1/23/1999 12:48:00 AM
From: Jack Colton	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me...they were cramming for their finals. VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. Clones are people two. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? Go ahead and take risks...just be sure that everything will turn out OK.. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning. As I said before, I never repeat myself! If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Think "honk" if you're telepathic ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK: 12% Monday 23% Tuesday 40% Wednesday 20% Thursday 5% Friday Jesus loves you. It's everybody else that thinks you're an ass. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was, "Always". Can you yell "MOVIE!" in a crowded firestation? It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question.... ....or is it? Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep. Be nice to your kids. They will be choosing your nursing home. I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better! I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. She gets mad if I interrupt her. A closed mouth gathers no feet. If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN. Remember, half the people in the world are below average.

To: Jack Colton who wrote (8541)	1/23/1999 2:12:00 AM
From: Chip Anderson	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

While not really jokes, these are fun to know. This was forwarded to me and I can't swear to their accuracy. Enjoy! ==================================== Q: What occurs more often in December than any other month? A: Conception. Q: Only 14% of Americans say they've done this with the opposite sex. What is it? A: Skinny dipping. Q: What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show? A: No theme song. Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A: Their birthplace. This is propinquity. Q: Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A: Obsession Q: More women do this in the bathroom than men. A: Wash their hands. Women - 80% Men - 55% Q: What do 100% of all lottery winners do? A: Gain weight. Q: In a recent survey, Americans revealed that this was their favorite smell. A: Banana Q: If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A: *One thousand Q: What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? A: All invented by women. Q: Married men revealed that they do this twice as often as single men. A: Change their underwear. Q: This stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous. A: A kiss Q: This is the only food that doesn't spoil. A: Honey Q: There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year. A: Father's Day Q: What trivia fact about Mel Blanc(voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic? A: He was allergic to carrots. Q: 40% of all people who come to a party in your home do this? A: Snoop in your medicine cabinet. Q: 3.9% of all women surveyed say they never do this. A: Wear underwear. Q: What person, not a "Seinfeld" regular cast member, is featured on every episode of "Seinfeld"? A: Superman, either by name or pictures on Jerry's refrigerator. Q: 85% of the guys who die while having sex are doing this. A: Cheating on their spouse. ======================================== Chip coolhistory.com "Just updated"