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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Philosopher who wrote (8676)	2/12/1999 12:56:00 PM
From: I Know Nada	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

Love in the Eighties > > I was working part time in a five and dime. My boss was Mr. Magee. He > was six foot four and full of muscles and walked like an Egyptian, but I > was happy to be stuck with him. One manic Monday, while I was busy > working for the weekend, I overheard him make a careless whisper. He told > two of my co-workers, Jack and Diane, that I gave love a bad name. Well, > I got so emotional, baby. I told him to say say say what he wants, but > don't play games with my affection. He told me it was hard for him to say > he's sorry and not to worry, to be happy. Then he blamed it on the rain. > He was so out of touch. It just took my breath away. I couldn't fight > this feeling any longer. I asked him "What's love got to do with it?" He > told me to get outta his store and his dreams and into my car. So I > figured I might as well jump. I cut footloose, went home and called my > girl, Jenny. (You already know the number) She was on the other line > with Amanda. They were talking about Mickey and how he was so fine. That > blew my mind! Was she really going out with him? I told her that I had > just called to say I love her. She told me she had been saving all her > love for me, but now she was looking for a new love - asta la vista, baby. > I thought "I can't go for that - no can do! Bring me a higher love!" I > called up some of my old west end girls, hoping that one of them would > want to get physical all night long (all night). First I called Billie > Jean - she told me to beat it. I called Rosanna - her sister Christian > blessed the rains down in Africa and then hung up on me. Come on, Eileen! > ... no answer. Nobody told me there'd be days like these! I was feeling > like the owner of a lonely heart. Then, out of the blue, my best friend's > girlfriend (she used to be mine) Roxanne calls. Yes, the real Roxanne. > She told me she still hadn't found what she's looking for and that she > wanted to take on me. I said "I thought you were Jessie's girl." She > said "Don't you want me? You don't have to put on the red light - I'm on > my own." What a feeling! I had the eye of the tiger. Who was I > f-f-f-foolin? Roxanne drove me crazy like no one else. She's a beauty! > She blinded me with science, and weird science at that. There was always > something there to remind me of her and I just knew that I'd have the time > of my life. I wasn't about to la-di-da-di. I jumped in my little red > Corvette and rocked down to Electric Avenue. I got my mind set on her. > When I got to her house (in the middle of her street) I ran. I rapped on > her front door and to this rapper's delight, I heard a voice say "Who can > it be now?" "Here I am, the one that you love", I replied. I let my love > open the door and was immediately lost in her eyes. I felt like a virgin > touched for the very first time. She loosened her blouse and said "Rock > me Amadeus!" Well, I felt it was my prerogative to bust a move. I told > her "I'll tumble for ya!" as I pinned her on the stairs, hungry like the > wolf. Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder. "Turn around > bright eyes!" said a familiar voice. As I did, Jessie hit me with a > sledgehammer of an uppercut that spun me right round like a record. He > was hangin' tough and continued to roll with it, knocking the wind from > beneath my wings - broken wings by this time. He rocked me tonight, for > old time's sake, beating me from head to toe, until my true colors were > black and blue and blood was spilling from my mouth like red, red wine. > "You don't owe me money for nothing!" he snarled. At this point I was > livin' on a prayer. I crawled back to my little red Corvette and drove > home thinking about how my tainted love had cut like a knife - how it > seems that every rose, truly, has its thorn. No longer do I want to know > what love is. Love stinks.