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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Kid Rock who wrote (8725)	2/17/1999 10:31:00 AM
From: Neenny	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Guide Book For Women (just to let you know where I am coming from!!) 1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. 2. Remember that you are known by the idiot you accompany. 3 . Don't imagine you can change a man-unless he's in diapers. 4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You lock the door behind him. 5. So many men-so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. 6. If they can put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there. 7. Tell him you're not his type-you have a pulse. 8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone. 9. The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks. 10. Never sleep with a man who has named his penis. 11. You might as well go for younger men. They never mature, anyway. 12. A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay. 13. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart. 14. Definition of a bachelor: a man who missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. 15. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the >>> do-it-yourself type. 16. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that they're too old for it. 17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 18. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. 19. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years, proving that even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions. 20. If he asks what sort of books you like, tell him checkbooks. 21. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh, alright,I'll stay the night." 22. Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn't even bother to have lunch with. 23. Remember, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his. 24. If he asks you if you're faking it, tell him no, you're just practicing. 25. Sadly, all men are created equal. 26. When he asks you if he's your first, tell him, "You may be. You look familiar."

To: Kid Rock who wrote (8725)	2/17/1999 10:58:00 AM
From: Neenny	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

Good, Better, Best........and personal experience... Good: A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then, he discovered the problem - a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change. Better: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs. Best: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes. Personal Experience: When I was in college and working a part time job, after a particularly long night,(maybe that is a story for the dates thread!) I was late for work in the morning. I was zipping along, not giving it a thought that I was going through a 15mph school zone. I stopped at the stop sign. I noticed the man in front of me looking in his rear view mirror and then down to his seat.....this happened twice. I was a little concerned. The I seen him pick up a hat from the seat beside him, and put it on. Sure enough it was a policeman. He gets out of the car, comes back and ask for my drivers license and insurance card. He continues on saying....Do you realize you were just in a school zone. How fast were you going ? With out hesitation I replied, "I don't know...how fast were you going?? I was following you. When I realized what I said.....I figured I was in big trouble now. He just looked at me and said...."Well, just slow it down next time," then turned and walked away...