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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Grainne who wrote (32117)	3/7/1999 2:25:00 PM
From: E	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 108807

Germaine Greer, in The Female Eunuch, or in articles she wrote at the time it was published, issued a call to middle aged women who weren't experiencing the full joy of life to leave their husbands and strike out on their own. When I read this current quote in the link you provided, "no sex is better than bad sex," it struck me as a rerun of her earlier position, which was essentially that these older women should rest assured that they could make it on their own, that the world needed their love and warmth, and it was somehow ignominious for them to stay, for security, with the husbands of their youth. The thing is, these are ideological slogans, and they don't necessarily stand the test of reality. I thought that at the time, and still do. No one could argue with either notion, the "don't settle for security, take on the world with gusto, it is waiting for you!" one, or today's, "no sex is better than bad sex one." But people not situated in life as Greer is apply these slogans to their lives in what turn out to be destructive ways. Most of the women who heeded her advice did not have PhD's and professorships and book contracts and lecture tours. They had, maybe, typing skills. And the world isn't waiting with quite as open arms for the average 45 or 50 year old who, feeling bored and ignited by a romanticized image of an exciting future, flees the security of the nest she built over 20 or 30 years, as it is for Germaine. And soon enough, she's on her feet for 9 hours a day thinking about her ex-husband and children in Cancun while her ankles swell. I saw this happen, you may guess. And of course no one would claim that bad sex is better than no sex (wait! I might, actually, if such a dreadful choice were the one I had to make, lol!-- but no one ELSE would, presumably!), but what accompaniments are there to the bad sex and no sex categories that might make a choice between these two more fully informed? An ideologue doesn't care, she likes her ringing slogans. How about good sex instead of no sex? I feel as though Greer looks at whatever she's doing in her own life, and elevates it to a universal injunction. It's not as irresponsible as Timothy Leary's recommendation to drop acid and drop out, but it reminds me of it.

To: Grainne who wrote (32117)	3/7/1999 3:07:00 PM
From: epicure	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

I find that fascinating. My close women friends and I have certainly had no trouble articulating female values to each other. None of us, I think, would remarry if we were widowed. We find women friends to be more empathetic, more nurturing and just nicer people - than the men in our lives. Its not mens fault per se, they are born and raised to be what they are, just as women are- we just happen to find the society of other women more congenial. Now my husband (a man) would certainly make a snide comment right about now concerning lesbians- which just goes to illustrate what I am talking about. I NEVER mention homosexual men when he tells me how much he likes to hike and camp with his best friend. But then males are SOOOO much more sexual than women on average- and Germaine is right, it puts a burden on women if they try to keep up with men (unless of course they want to). Women are great just as women, I I I have been saying that for AGES, but no one listens to me. Maybe I should wear woolens?

To: Grainne who wrote (32117)	3/7/1999 3:50:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 108807

In a way this reminds me of Ayn Rand, who tried to speak about emotional areas of which she seemed to have little universal knowledge, relying on her intelligence and a lot of transference of the personal to the general. There are just too many ways to be a woman, to be a wife, to be a mother, a person!-for Greer to come to such conclusions reliably. However, it never hurts to stir things up, and for us to look at these issues as they might apply to our own lives, just to make sure we're not falling into the traps set not only by society but by people like Greer herself. If she wants to wear ugly grey wool stockings and a shapeless sweater then who's to criticize, and if Pam Anderson wants to enlarge her breasts to a 40 EEE, should we care? Aren't these choices we as women have about ourselves? The world is full of invitations to the eccentric, the abnormal, the sordid, the sublime. We hopefully accept according to our own values and needs not the expectations placed upon us by men----or other women. Maybe the women here are not representative. On the whole, we seem to be pretty tough and independent. But one thing I've noticed is that even superior intelligence does not ensure objective thought, just cleverer ways to justify and rationalize behavior. And Greer is not immune. I just don't trust another person to speak for me. Besides I really like sex. And even wearing risqué lingerie --under my baggy sweaters.