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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Elmer Flugum who wrote (1902)	4/1/1999 2:51:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physcian, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone. Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape. Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma. Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

To: Elmer Flugum who wrote (1902)	4/1/1999 2:58:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Every night, Joe would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rank. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left. The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left. The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time, he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left. The fourth night Joe didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Joe and left him in a heap on the living room floor. The following day, Joe went to see his doctor. He explained the events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded. "Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."

To: Elmer Flugum who wrote (1902)	4/1/1999 3:08:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

HOW TO TELL IF YOU ARE A SIXTIES CHILD TRAPPED IN THE 90'S Planning a mass love-in for December 31st in Times Square Flashing the peace sign in the wrong neighborhood gets you beaten up by gang members NBC has copywrited your acid flashbacks for a bad TV mini-series You prefer basketball players to wear short shorts and knee-highs No one paid attention to your sit-in protest, they just kept throwing you change and walking away "The Promise Keepers" sounds like a nice bunch of people to you. You think CNN is a new hallucigen You are waiting for Martha Stewart to design a bean bag collection for KMart You explore stock optioning your mail order business: Chia Pot You write letters to local TV Weathermen to turn themselves in You think the World Wide Web is a conspiracy theory You think Hare Krishnas are a group of oppressed peoples Everytime you hear a car alarm you run to your nuclear fall-out shelter You hear all the hype about "The New Beetle" and you wonder which member they replaced Frappacino gives you flashbacks to the 80's You think the VW Beetles are going to be the next hip trend You think the government agents are spying on you through your 8-track You ordered a microbrew, but it wasn't any smaller than a regular beer You smoke less weed because CDs are so much smaller than LPs "Getting lost in Cyberspace" sounds like something you did at Woodstock You try to score 400 mHz of CPU because you want to use "The Gateway" You think HTML stands for hatemail You tried to listen to a CD but the needle scratched the hell out of it You're still in therapy You hijak a Celebrity Cruise ship to rescue Gilligan When people mention the "Super Highway" you think they're talking about hitchhiking Route 66 You think Goldman Sachs broke away from Crosby Stills Nash & Young to form own band Still trying to draft Timothy Leary as a write-in candidate for President You think .com is code word for Communist Sympathizer You think Free Willy refers to a member of the Chicago 7 And the last way to tell if you are a SIXTIES CHILD TRAPPED IN THE 90's: YOU STILL THINK EASY RIDER IS THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE