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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Edwarda who wrote (10013)	5/29/1999 5:48:00 AM
From: flickerful	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

hmmmm, it's awfully early to take that as a compliment........<g>

To: Edwarda who wrote (10013)	5/29/1999 5:58:00 AM
From: Sidney Reilly	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62549

A woman sent this to me, pretty funny: TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX: 1) You can GET chocolate. 2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind. 8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. 10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers. 11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. 12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. 13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it. 14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. 15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month. 16) Good chocolate is easy to find. 17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle. 18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate. 19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake. 20) With chocolate size doesn't matter.

To: Edwarda who wrote (10013)	5/29/1999 5:59:00 AM
From: Sidney Reilly	Respond to of 62549

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it!

To: Edwarda who wrote (10013)	5/29/1999 6:01:00 AM
From: Sidney Reilly	Respond to of 62549

A 65 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator. "What on earth are you doing?!", asked the mom. "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married, so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head in disgust. A couple of days later, the father comes home from work. He also hears a strange noise coming from the bedroom. Upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?!" he asked. His daughter replied, "I already told mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head too. One Sunday, the mother came home to find her husband watching the Super Bowl. He had a beer in one hand, and the vibrator in the other hand. "For Chrissakes, what are you doing?" she cried. The husband replied "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching the game with my son-in-law!"