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The Jewel Heist Darwin awards Years ago I had an amicable ending to an engagement and the ring had been returned to me. I decided to not waste the diamond, so I had it made into a pendant for my new love interest. One evening, we were out at dinner on restaurant row in Manhattan. Somehow she broke the clasp of the chain holding the pendant. She put the chain and pendant down on the table and we continued to have dinner. After the meal, while I was smoking a cigarette and enjoying my coffee, she suddenly jumped up and began to panic. "Where is it?? Where is it??" she screamed over and over. I immediately knew what she meant. I told her it must have fallen on the floor so we looked. No pendant. She said she was sure the waiter took it while he was clearing the dishes. "Are you certain?" I asked. She was positive. She put it down right next to her water glass and hadn't moved it. Knowing the value of the small stone, I wanted it back. If some waiter thought he could steal from me, he was sadly mistaken. I calmly confronted our waiter near the kitchen out of sight of other restaurant patrons and told him there would be no hard feelings if he just returned the stone and chain. "I don't know what you?re talking about," he replied. I told him I knew he had it and I wanted it back, one way or another. He still didn't know what I was talking about. By now, some passing waiters noticed how uncomfortable this situation was getting so they stepped in. "What's your problem mister?" one of the other waiters asked. "My problem," I replied, "is that your friend here is a thief and a liar and I want back what he stole from my table." With that, they attempted to escort me out of the restaurant. Fists started flying. The rescuing waiter went down quickly and didn't stir again. The "thief" began to swing wildly, but I put him down with an empty wine bottle that had been deposited on a bus cart. (By the way, a wine bottle does not break when you hit somebody with it.) The manger grabbed me from behind and began to walk me towards the door. I slipped out of his grasp and really began to freak out, screaming unintelligible phrases about "stealing and diamonds" and "this not going to happen to me." It was surreal. He grabbed me by the lapels of my jacket and again began to walk me outside. I kicked him in the shins over and over, until he too went down. (For those of you who think shin-kicking is a sissy move, I urge you to try it on a larger opponent.) Now the whole restaurant was in a frenzy. Women are screaming, men are backing away from me. It was quite a scene. Jewelry or no jewelry, I realized I had to get the heck out of there. I would probably have gotten a free ride to the local police station if I hung around. I grabbed my lady friend by the wrist and we walked very quickly to the door. I hailed a "getaway" cab and when we arrived at my girlfriend's apartment building she went into her purse for money to pay the cabbie. What do you think she found there? She had put the pendant in her purse. It was there all along. | ||||||||||||
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