Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tecinvestor who wrote (12037)	10/17/1999 1:43:00 AM
From: DayTraderKidd	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62554

The Bartender notices that a strange patron at the end of the bar that keeps talking into his hand. The Bartender finally gets curious enough and asks the patron why he keeps talking into his hand. The Patron says "I am a business man and I spend a lot of time on my cell phone. It used to give me a soar neck so I had my cell phone surgically inserted into my hand. Now I don't have to bend my neck." The Bartender walks away thinking that there is just something kind of strange about that guy. So a little later the Patron call the Bartender over and says "Hey can you watch my drink and change, I have to go to the John and I don't want anyone to take this while i'm gone." The Bartender agrees. 15 minutes goes by, then a half hour has gone by and the Patron has not returned to the bar. Finally the Bartender can't stand it anymore. He has to know what this guy is doing. The Bartender goes to the John, open up the stall door and stands back and can't believe what he sees. The guy is standing up, his pants are down, he is holding his hand up to his face and he has toilet paper hanging from is ass down to the ground. The Bartender says "ok buddy, how do you want to explain this one to me??" The Patron looks at the Bartender and says......... "I am receiving a fax"

To: Tecinvestor who wrote (12037)	10/17/1999 6:54:00 AM
From: AnnaInVA	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 62554

Blonde goes to the doctor, complaining of tremendous headaches. Doctor notices that she is listening to her walkman and suggests that she take off the headphones, it might make her headache feel better. No, Doc, she says, if I do that, I fall over dead. The doctor says, no way, you won't die from taking off the headphones, and gently lifts them off her head. She keels over DEAD. Doc thinks what in the world, puts on the headphones and hears: Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in .......

To: Tecinvestor who wrote (12037)	10/17/1999 4:21:00 PM
From: Mephisto	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

HA HA :(

To: Tecinvestor who wrote (12037)	10/17/1999 4:52:00 PM
From: Mephisto	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62554

25 Ways To Annoy A Yankee 1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING. 2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two. 3. When giving directions, finish with "and it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses the hell out of 'em. 4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying. 5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!" 6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball. 7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke. 8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus. 9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air. 10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob 11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it." 12. Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady". 13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can". (Amen) 14. Put Tabasco on everything. 15. For a New York Yankee: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New York!", say "Well, I'll be damned, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!" 16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .preferably the banana ones. 17. Name all of your children "Bubba". 18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction. 19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. 20. Never simply "do" something. Be "fixin to do" something. 21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do. 22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations... Offends the hell out of 'em. 23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there..." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.." 24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend. 25. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.