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Pastimes : Laughter is the Best Medicine - Tell us a joke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14157)	4/25/2000 2:58:00 AM
From: Arctic Trader	Respond to of 62549

Man goes in bar. A mouse jumps out of his pocket. Bartender says, "nice mouse!" Man says, "No ordinary mouse though, this little feller talks!" Bartender says "oh yeah, what about?" Man says, "See that woman at the end of the bar, the mouse will tell me what colour panties she has on." Bartender says "really? This I gotta see." Man points to woman says to mouse;"Mouse: woman!" Mouse runs down sees woman's panties from the floor and comes back and says "pink." "Wow, bartender says. will he do that for me?" Man says "Sure." Bartender sees a woman sitting at a table, points to her, says "Mouse: woman!" Mouse runs out, comes tearing back, bounces off the bar into the bartenders pocket shaking like a leaf. Bartender says "What's wrong with you?" Mouse says "I taught I taw a puddy tat!"

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14157)	4/25/2000 6:58:00 AM
From: John Carragher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

>Sound familiar to anyone??!!! > > >> > 24 SIGNS THAT YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90'S >> > >> > 1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave. >> > >> > 2. You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted." >> > >> > 3. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. >> > >> > 4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. >> > >> > 5. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He >> > emails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?" >> > >> > 6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site. >> > >> > 7. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but >> > you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year. >> > >> > 8. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one >> > for your e-mail buddies via a web page. >> > >> > 9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your College >> > roommate used to play. >> > >> > 10. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see >> > if it contains Echinacea. >> > >> > 11. You check your blow-dryer to see if it's Y2K compliant. >> > >> > 12. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send >> > her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver. >> > >> > 13. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see >> > if anyone is home. >> > >> > 14. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the >> > bottom of the screen. >> > >> > 15. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now >> > sells for half the price you paid. >> > >> > 16. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to >> > make a purchase is foreign to you. >> > >> > 17. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags >> > out of the back seat of your car. >> > >> > 18. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they >> > do not have e-mail addresses. >> > >> > 19. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow. >> > >> > 20. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet. >> > >> > 21. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes. >> > >> > 22. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person. >> > >> > 23. You're reading this. >> > >> > 24. Even worse; you're going to forward it to someone else. > > >>

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14157)	4/26/2000 12:55:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Read Replies (27) \| Respond to of 62549

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion."

To: Karen Lawrence who wrote (14157)	5/14/2000 4:39:00 PM
From: Edwarda	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 62549

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters. So he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone has had sex. To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people and went down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately until he came to the last man in line, an elderly gentleman, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Twice a day," the therapist guessed but was surprised when the man said no. "Once a day, then?" Again the answer was no. "Twice a week?" "No." "Twice a month?" "No." The man finally said yes when the doctor got to "once a year." The therapist was irked that his theory wasn't working, and asked the elderly gentleman, "Then, what the heck are you so happy about?" The gentleman answered, "Tonight's the night!"